


One Day You’ll Go

by EmeraldTrident



Series: Duncan & Will [2]
Category: Hannibal (TV), Polar (2019)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Anal Sex, Angst, Depression, Fluff, Kissing, Love, Love-Making, M/M, Oral Sex, Overstimulation, Phone Sex, Pining, Will calls Duncan ‘daddy’ but only during sex, duncan really wants to be good for will, handjobs, lots of fluff, ptsd mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-31
Updated: 2019-04-03
Packaged: 2019-10-19 23:40:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 29,790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17611268
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmeraldTrident/pseuds/EmeraldTrident
Summary: Duncan tried not to fall for Will, but such was difficult when he was everything Duncan had ever wanted.What started as a cute fling with the neighbor from the cabin across the lake quickly turned into a love worth dying for.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I loved writing the Duncan and Will one shot so much I wanted to create a series out of it. Please enjoy! 
> 
> My other fic “A New Neighbor” is technically part one of this story, shedding some light on how the couple met and their sexual dynamics.

Duncan tried not to fall for Will, but such was difficult when he was everything Duncan had ever wanted. They hadn’t know each other long and Duncan had already come to learn how kind and generous and empathetic he was. Will was too good for him, he decided.

_One day he’ll realize that and he will leave._

Until that day, Duncan was going to savor him as much as possible. Memorize his body, his scent, the way Will whimpered his name while he came. Memories would be what he planned to live on after the inevitable.

Will was ignorant to Duncan’s past employment, wholeheartedly believing Duncan had been involved in the rare flower business, a lie Duncan stole from one of his favorite films.

Duncan hated lying to him, but it was dire. Will could never know what he was, what he remained to be in the dark recesses of his mind; The Black Kaiser, paid assassin.

Nightmares haunted him still, even in retirement, which was why Duncan avoided sleeping whenever Will slept over. Duncan was scared he would hurt him, or scare him, or both.

Duncan would read a book or watch a film waiting for the sun to come up, fighting sleep the whole time. What he wouldn’t give to wrap his arms around Will, their breaths slowly falling into sync as they both slipped into unconsciousness together post coitus. Duncan just didn’t trust himself or his PTSD to not rear its ugly head. It killed him inside. He just wanted normalcy, or at least some semblance of it.

He and Will’s relationship had started off sexual but never would he imagine the undeniable and unimaginable longing he now felt for the younger man. He’d never felt this way before with anyone, female or male. Duncan had never cared enough to want to change or be better for someone, but everything inside of him wanted to give Will everything he ever wanted, even if he was sure the clock was ticking.

“What are you doing?” Duncan heard a sleepy voice across the room. Will had sat up, his eyes half closed, his curls a mess sticking up at odd angles.

“M’Reading,” Duncan said, sat in the corner chair of the bedroom.

“In the dark?” Will chuckled softly.

“There’s moonlight,” Duncan tried to defend himself.

“Come to bed,” Will said, lifting the covers revealing his naked body and beckoning him to join.

Duncan adjusted his glasses on the bridge of his nose not able to take his eyes off him.

“I’m freezing,” Will said.

Duncan placed his bookmark in the novel he was reading and folded his glasses atop the book, leaving both in the chair before making his way toward the bed.

A few hours prior he too had been nude but knowing he couldn’t fall asleep he waited until Will’s breath had deepened before getting up, dressing in sweatpants and a plain t-shirt, and making himself coffee for the third time that week.  
Duncan slid into bed under the blanket that Will had dropped down onto both of them and immediately nuzzled up against him and into Duncan’s neck.

“You smell like smoke,” Will said said softly.

“Sorry,” Duncan said, it was a bad habit he was trying to break.

“It’s okay,” Will said. “I kinda like it. It’s soothing.”

“I’m trying to quit.”

“I know,” Will said. “And you will, it just takes time.”

Duncan’s heart swelled.

Duncan’s confidence came out during sex, during which he was verbal and ruthless and teasing with a momentary God complex, much like when he was on the job taking lives. However, as soon as the sex or fighting was over his self image faltered and he had difficulty connecting and conversing, everything inside him wanting to shut down.

All of Duncan’s very few past partners hated that about him, how much different he was in and out of the sheets. But Will…Will was special. He was understanding and he knew when not to probe for information, just wanting to be with Duncan and not pressure him into talking. He respected Duncan’s privacy and his need to hermit himself after such intimate moments.

He was so perfect.

Will had moved in to the cabin across the lake two months ago, and those past months were the best of Duncan’s life thus far, even if he would never admit it to anyone. He and Will had spoken and agreed they were exclusive a month into their entanglement, prompting Will to sleep over a few nights a week, which were the nights Duncan loved the most, even if he wasn’t able to get any sleep.

“What time is it?” Will sighed, yawning softly in the curve of his neck.

“Four,” Duncan said, his arousal starting to build feeling Will’s naked body against him, his paramour half hard against his sweatpant-clad leg.

Will pouted. Duncan knew he was inwardly lamenting the fact he had to get up for work in two hours.

“Go back to sleep,” Duncan said, moving a strand of hair from the front of Will’s face to tuck it behind his ear.

Will had to go out of state that weekend for work and Duncan knew that, he would be missing him terribly while he was away.

“I won’t see you for four days,” Will sighed, his hand on top of Duncan’s chest over his shirt.

“You need your rest.”

“I’m awake.”

Duncan chuckled. “You’re exhausted.”

As badly as he wanted to make a move he suppressed the urge.

“Please,” Will said. “Show me what I’ll be missing this weekend,” he began rubbing up and down, his thigh rutting against Duncan’s thigh, tugging and releasing the fabric.

“Will,” Duncan sighed.

“Daddy, please.”

-

Like every other time he and Will fucked, he was gorgeous. But Duncan had truly never seen Will look as beautiful as he did that night. Will was straddling him and rolling his hips, riding him slowly. The light from the moon framed his figure, casting a blueish hue across one side of Will’s sweat dampened skin. Duncan’s hands were planted on Will’s hips, less guiding his movements but providing stability, Will was doing all the work. Duncan thrust up into him and Will whimpered, his thighs quaking on either side of Duncan’s shirt.

“So pretty,” Duncan sighed, his eyes up and staring at Will’s mouth agape, drunk off the intrusion. “So fucking pretty, baby.”

Will closed his eyes and slid his hands under Duncan’s shirt clutching softly into the skin and hair there. Duncan could sense Will was getting close, his hands on the tops of Will’s thighs feeling the pounding of the younger’s heartbeat through his femoral artery. Will shivered, his body having been out of the blankets for too long.

“M’cold,” Will whined.

Duncan immediately lifted Will up and onto his side continuing to face him, covering them both with the comforter. He lifted Will’s top leg over his shoulder and pressed in again. The sound Will made when he entered him at that angle was enough to send Duncan over the edge but he held back, always wanting Will to come first, ever the gentleman.

Will’s hands were behind Duncan’s head and in his hair, clutching and releasing again and again, his sounds getting louder with each thrust Duncan made into his body.

“Touch me,” Will sighed. “Touch me, please.”

Duncan with his other hand clutched around Will, swirling his pre-come at the tip with his thumb in slippery and sloppy circles. Will was clawing at Duncan’s back and stilled before whimpering, his hole tightening around Duncan as he spurted. Duncan didn’t let up, continuing to toy with the head and tease, milking and drawing out Will’s orgasm. Will was overstimulated and his hips were bucking, whining and trying to escape from Duncan’s hold but he kept him in his vice.

“Duncan, Duncan,” Will’s eyes were spilling with tears.

Duncan let him go to scramble and hug Will closer than ever to him, thrusting and coming inside with a grunt, his breath heavy as he continued fucking into Will’s hole fluttering around him.

Duncan’s breath was warm on Will’s neck, coming down from his high. He didn’t pull out but kept himself buried inside of Will for just a little longer when he pulled back to kiss him. He helped Will’s leg off his shoulder while continuing to move his lips and tongue with Will’s, breathy sighs and left over moans mirroring one another.

“Duncan?” Will sighed, pulling back to look into his eyes, his hand traveled the length of Duncan’s face, drinking him in.

Duncan didn’t understand what he did to earn that look.

“Hmm?”

“I love you.”

Duncan closed his eyes. All at once he had flashbacks of everything horrible he’d done in his life, from the mundane to the major, he knew he didn’t deserve Will’s love.  _Is it really me he loves? He doesn’t know my past, he doesn’t know my truth._  Duncan wanted to come clean, to retreat to his typical ways and self-destruct, tell him everything, and run Will off. It was the only way to keep Will safe from himself. But he couldn’t bear to do it. He’d fallen for him, and even if he assumed the love Will felt for him was out of ignorance, he felt it too.

“I love you too,” Duncan said.

They kissed before Will ducked into Duncan’s neck. “Don’t let anyone hurt me.”

And just like that, protecting Will became his life’s purpose.

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Duncan and Will go on their first date and Duncan learns a lot about Will that he didn’t know before.

“Let me see those pretty eyes,” Duncan said, petting the side of Will’s face. His voice was gruff and breathy, his cockhead being lapped at by his boyfriend. “Don’t take those pretty eyes off me, baby.”

Duncan’s words caused Will to blush, his cheeks heating up to the point where even Duncan could feel it, his cock enveloped by Will’s puffy lips now. Will loved knowing he was driving Duncan crazy and he adored being complimented. Duncan told Will how beautiful he was every day, if not every few hours, but he couldn’t get enough of it, especially when they were exchanging such intimate contact.

Duncan was sat in his recliner in the living room fantasizing about what he and Will had done about a month before in that very chair. He was hard, petting himself through his pants with his palm, wishing Will were there with his mouth on him. Duncan was impatient, barely making it through the weekend of Will being away for work. He hadn’t gone this long without seeing him for the two months he’d known him.

“That’s it,” Duncan groaned as Will went lower down onto him, his head falling back and his body wracking with a shiver as Will reached the base. His mouth dragged back off him, tongue kept firm to the thick vein on the underside until he was popping off and leaving warm open-mouthed kisses all over the tip, the sounds of it alone were obscene but Will’s eyes glistening up at Duncan during the act made it downright sinful.

“Get up here.”.

Will obliged, his pants already askew. He wore nothing but one of his plaid shirts, the top four buttons undone. “Back to me,” Duncan whispered, moving Will where he wanted him. Will’s back was pressed against Duncan’s chest and his legs were spread on either side of him. Duncan tipped Will’s chin to turn to him so he could capture him in a kiss as he lowered Will down onto his cock. Will gasped into his mouth, his lips finding purchase again against Duncan’s.

The back of Duncan’s knuckle ghosted across his own lips, it helped in pretending Will was there.

Will held Duncan’s hand, his palm atop the back of Duncan’s gripped into the arm of the chair, their fingers lacing as Duncan pressed Will down onto him deeper. “That’s good,” Duncan sighed into Will’s ear. “Take me deeper, baby.”

Will’s cock was hard against his stomach, abandoned up until that point. Duncan lifted his hand that had previously been on Will’s chest for stability down to toy with him and circle his thumb around Will’s weeping tip. Will bucked his hips at the touch, half of a whimper escaping his mouth before Duncan kissed it away.

“Daddy,” Will sighed.

“Daddy’s here,” Duncan said, kissing away the tears on Will’s cheeks he always produced when he was full.

“Fill me,” Will whispered, his other hand not holding Duncan’s moving to run his fingers through his own hair, caught in his own pleasure.

Duncan heard those words again in his head. “Fill me.” It was as if Will were in the room with him. “Fill me.” Duncan squeezed himself through his pants. “Fill me.” He unzipped and fished out his cock stroking it roughly. “Fill me.” His head was falling back. “Fill me, Daddy.” He grunted, coming hard.

That time on the recliner was right before Duncan took Will on their first official outing. Duncan hated the word “Date” although that’s exactly what it was. He and Will had been seeing each other off and on for a month at that point but earlier in the evening they decided to make their relationship exclusive for which Will suggested they go out and celebrate.

“Can’t we just stay here?” Duncan asked. Going out made him anxious, worried that someone would see him. Not ashamed to be seen with another man, but nervous word would get back to the people who were still dead set determined to end him. He’d accrued many enemies in his time in the business, and he didn’t want to take any chances.

Of course he was hidden very well up in Triple Oak, Montana. It was off the map and nobody from his past company knew he resided there. Still he couldn’t help but want to be extra cautious. But the look on Will’s face and him pleading to go out changed his mind.

Up until then their dates had consisted of cooking at either Duncan’s home or Will’s or ordering in, eating on the bed and getting distracted by carnal activities. They hadn’t talked much about their pasts yet, for which Duncan was grateful. While he wanted to cover up his own life, he was however keen on learning more about Will, and he agreed the best way to do that would be to get out of the house where the temptation to jump each other’s bones was not as prevalent.

He took Will to his favorite place in the city, a quaint dimly lit restaurant and bar, the walls adorned with paintings of popular rock stars and taxidermy, the music overhead ranged from modern pop to the classics. The theme of the place was a little scattered but Duncan never focused on the décor, always much more interested in the quality of the scotch they served.

They were seated at a corner booth, Duncan and Will sat next to each other on the half-moon cushion as the waiter placed coasters atop the circular table.

“What can I get you guys to drink?”

“Whiskey, neat.” Duncan said. “What do you want, baby?”

The waiter’s eyebrow raised, Duncan dared him to say something.

Will smiled behind his hand watching Duncan’s reaction to the waiter’s surprise. “What uh,” Will said taking off his coat. “What beers do you have on tap?”

The waiter listed off the ones they had, to Will’s dismay. They didn’t have his favorite. “I’ll just have a Cabernet, thank you.”

“Your priciest, please,” Duncan said to the waiter before he was off.

“You know I’m paying, right?” Will said.

Duncan shot a look that caused Will to laugh. “Fine.” He raised his hands. “Fine.”

The drinks arrived moments later, by that time they’d decided what they wanted to eat. Duncan ordered for himself and Will.

“We’ll both have the ten ounce filet, medium-rare, broccoli and plain baked potato,” Duncan said handing the waiter both of their menus.

“Coming right up.”

“So sexy the way you do that,” Will said, his hand resting on Duncan’s thigh.

“Order food?” Duncan guffawed.

“Take control.”

Duncan got lost in Will’s eyes, bright blue even in the limited light. He leaned in to steal a quick kiss. He didn’t want to push it, never being one for public displays of affection but not able to restrain himself, not when Will looked so good.

“We’ve barely talked,” Duncan said.

“I know.”

“You go to work in the morning and I don’t even know what you do.”

“I’m a carpenter,” Will said. “I build things for people for commission. Most of it is traveling around the state.”

“Do you have a business?” Duncan said. “Employees?”

Will shook his head. “Nope, just me. It pays more than my last job so I’d like to keep it that way. It’s less messy.”

“What did you do before?” Duncan said. “Virginia right?”

“I was a Forensics Professor at Quantico,” Will said causing Duncan’s eyebrows to raise.

“Really?”

Will nodded. “I didn’t pass the screening procedures for the FBI so I went for the next best thing. Probably for the best. It turned out I didn’t have the stomach for the…carnage.”

“You had to lecture on it, though.”

“That’s different from actually looking at it, being in the room with it all…the smell.”

Duncan had flashbacks of being the only one alive in a room after he cleared it. The stench of the bodies not yet pungent as they were fresh but still sickeningly sweet. Heads exploded open, entrails strewn along the ground, missing appenages. 

_He would think I’m such a monster if he knew._

“One of the higher ups came to ask me for help on a case and I agreed to go,” Will said. “But the second I saw the girl’s body I knew I wasn’t cut out for it. I dropped it, taught myself carpentry and later moved here. I’m glad I did.” He looked Duncan up and down before taking a sip of his wine.

Duncan was glad too.

“I do miss my dogs, though.”

“Dogs?”

“I had seven,” Will said. “I left them with my ex.”

He saw Duncan’s look and clarified. “Female ex,” Will said. “We broke up long before I moved here. I was attracted to her of course, but I always knew my desires were beyond anything she could ever give me. I started fooling around with some guys after that and realized that was much more my speed.”

“I’m bisexual too,” Duncan said. He’d never said it out loud before, surprising even himself with the words.

“I wouldn’t use the word _bisexual_ to describe me,” Will said, taking another sip of wine, half of the glass already gone. “I would say I’m open to everything and anyone. I won’t deny myself from falling for someone based on what’s in their pants. I just prefer sex with a man. It’s much more…satisfying. Especially with you.”

Duncan had the overwhelming urge to ravage Will then and there but reminded himself they were in public and fucking Will over the corner booth might cause an issue. He remembered why they were in public, so they would talk and not result to having sex so quickly.

“Seven dogs?” Duncan quickly changed the subject. “You must really like them.”

“Don’t you?”

“I’m not good with animals,” Duncan said, remembering his failed attempt a while back. “Wish I was.”

“Yeah I had seven,” Will smiled sadly. “I miss them a lot but I knew I couldn’t transport them all so far. I trust Alana, she’ll take good care of them. I have every intention to visit. So what is you do again? Rare flower business, right?”

“Yeah but I’m retired now,” Duncan said, trying to get off the subject, hating having to lie.

“What’s your favorite flower?” Will asked.

Duncan’s eyes widened, making the mental note to immediately buy a book on flowers and study up.

“Daisies,” Duncan said, his voice cracking at the end, sipping his whiskey.

“Why daises?”

“They’re uh…they’re cool.”

“Okay,” Will laughed.

Dinner arrived and they busied themselves with eating, taking turns to feed each other every few bites, laughing and making eyes at each other. When they were finished Duncan ordered a lava cake for them to take home and share. He tipped the waiter a hundred dollars, always giving extra when it came to hospitality positions before he and Will were back in the car on the way home.

Duncan was embarrassed to be driving Will around in his beat up truck but Will didn’t seem to mind, mentioning it smelled of smoke and of Duncan, holding his hand and whispering in his ear about how he couldn’t wait until they were back at Duncan’s house and kissing his neck.

The heat in his truck was broken but Will’s body up against his was all he needed. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you enjoyed and want this to continue, please leave a comment! :) I have a lot more planned!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Duncan and Will have been apart all weekend. They have phone sex before Will’s return flight.

Will paced his hotel room, cell phone pressed between his cheek and shoulder as he packed up his things. The weekend came and went productively but slow as molasses. It was difficult for time to pass quickly while missing someone. He’d gotten done some of the best carpentry work he had in months, building a gorgeous outdoor shed and dog-house and got paid handsomely for it.

Will was packing up as quickly as possible, worried he would miss his new flight time which he’d re-scheduled seeing as how he’d finished early. He was eager to get back into Duncan’s arms, having been craving his touch all weekend.

The phone was ringing but stopped and went to voicemail. _He’ll call back._ He tossed his phone onto the bed and went to the bathroom to gather up his toiletries. Just as he entered the other room his phone began ringing. He ran to it giddy like a schoolgirl and jumped onto the bed, swiping to answer the call before he saw who it was.

“Hey, baby.”

“Sorry I was in the shower,” Duncan’s voice was gruff sending a chill down Will’s spine. They hadn’t spoken since the night before but it felt like ages. What a stupid thing love is.

“I’m coming home early,” Will said, biting his lip.

“Really?” Duncan’s tone hitched at the end. He didn’t sound it to inexperienced ears but that was his excited voice, Will knew. “What time?”

“My flight should be getting in around six,” he said sitting back up and continuing to pack. “I’m rushing around to get things done.”

“Don’t drive crazy once you get here. It’s been snowing,” Duncan said. “Be careful.”

Will’s chest tightened. He loved hearing Duncan caring about him.

“Yes, Daddy,” Will smiled.

Duncan grunted. Will could hear him covering his face. “Don’t.”

He knew how that word stirred Duncan up.

“I can’t wait to get my hands on you,” Will said zipping his luggage closed.

“Tell me,” Duncan said.

Will laughed. “You want me to miss my flight?”

“No,” he said. “Just hail your Uber and tell me how far away it is.”

Will opened his app and pinned his location.

“Ten minutes,” Will said, his voice softer now.

“Tell me,” Duncan said again.

Will laid down on the made bed and closed his eyes.

“I can’t wait to take you into my mouth,” he sighed. Will could hear the faint sound of Duncan shifting his towel off his hips. “Don’t touch, Daddy. Want you to save it all for me.”

“Will,” Duncan said.

“I know,” Will said. “I know you want to. Just don’t.”

“You know no matter what I do I’ll have plenty for you when you get here,” Duncan said. “You drive me fucking wild.”

“Fine,” Will said. “But I’m edging you hard when I get there.”

“Fuck,” Duncan sighed, Will could hear his hand moving over himself.

It was taking everything within Will to not touch himself but he wasn’t confident he could come in under ten minutes and he didn’t want to risk having to go to the airport with an erection. He didn’t have the kind of time for that body search. He was fully focused on teasing Duncan with his words.

“How many times have you touched yourself this weekend thinking about me?” Will said.

“Four,” Duncan said.

Will moaned, purposely trying to drive Duncan to the edge.

“You really love me, don’t you?” Will sighed.

“I do,” Duncan said, his hand moving faster over his cock. “I really do, Will.”

“What are you going to do to me when I get there? Tell me. Baby, tell me,” Will said.

“I’m going to pick you up and take you back to the shower, soap you up and wash your hair and body before fingering you until you’re sobbing and begging for more. Then I’ll get on my knees and take you into my mouth.”

Will gasped, not being able to contain himself anymore, tugging his pants down and fishing himself out, stroking his cock. Duncan had never sucked him off before or even mentioned it. The thought alone was causing his cock to begin filling out quickly. “You’re gunna suck me off, Daddy?” He sighed.

“Are you...?” Duncan said.

“Yes,” Will whined.

“You really want me to do that?”

Will imagined the feeling of Duncan’s mustache against his tummy tickling the sensitive skin there with his entire cock lost in his mouth. His breath hitched stroking the tip imagining it was Duncan’s tongue.

Duncan had confessed to Will a few weeks prior that he’d never sucked a guy off and he’d always wanted to, however, he was sure he would be horrible at it so he refused, always marveling at the way Will did it for him, ever enjoying but jealous all the same of his skill to turn him to mush. He wanted to do that for Will.

  
“So badly,” Will sighed. “I want to feel you there. Daddy, I’m gunna come.”

“Let me hear your pretty sounds,” Duncan said. “Don’t be shy.”

Will whimpered, his legs pressing together as he stroked himself, circling at the tip.

Duncan did the same on the other end, getting high off Will’s pleasured gasps. He began to grunt softly, feeling himself getting close.

Duncan’s sounds we’re driving Will just the same and he imagined they were chest to chest rubbing off against each other and although they were thousands of miles apart with his eyes closed it felt real.

“Duncan,” Will gasped, spurting onto his shirt, he whined and breathed tiny gasps into the receiver.

Duncan groaned, coming all over his own chest, imagining his mouth full of Will’s cock, him batting softly at his head from overstimulation.

Both of their breaths fell into sync as they came down from their high.

“I need to change my shirt,” Will laughed getting up slowly to unzip his luggage to trade out for something clean. He tucked himself away and stood to change, putting the phone on speakerphone.

“I need to get back into the shower.”

“Is it all over your chest?” Will said, lifting his own shirt over his head in a quick tug over.

“All in my chest hair yeah.”

Will licked his lips and moaned. “Sounds delicious. Wish I was there to lick it up.”

“You’re filthy,” Duncan chuckled.

“You love me,” he put on his new shirt and folded the dirty one so the mess was on the inside and away from his other packed apparel.

“That I do.”

Will had told Duncan he loved him for the first time just before he left for his commission trip and they had been saying it all weekend. He could never tired of hearing it.

Just then Will’s phone pinged.

“My Uber is here,” Will said, zipping up his luggage.

“Okay I should let you go,” Duncan said. “Be careful.”

“I will be,” Will said, pulling the handle of his luggage up and wheeling it over to the door, the phone pressed to his shoulder again as he opened the door to the outside.

“Hi?” Duncan heard Will say. “I’m just leaving.”

“Who’s that?” Duncan said.

“Yeah my Uber is right around the corner apparently.” Will’s voice sounded farther away, probably looking at his phone to check the location of the car he’d ordered.

“Will, who is that?” Duncan urged, sitting up on the bed.

“Nobody,” Will replied. “Just the cleaning crew.” He addressed the person again. “I’m checking out now, you can clean if you need to.”

“Will…”

Duncan heard a muffled scream and a door slam.

“WILL?” Duncan shouted into the receiver standing up.

He heard a cry and a hit, and then silence. Duncan’s eyes were wide, his heart stopped and tears began to well in his eyes.

“Will?” He whimpered.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry... D:


	4. Chapter 4

Will had fallen asleep again, as hard as he’d tried to stay awake. He wanted to spend the last hour with Duncan he could before his weekend away alert but his post-coital sleepiness swiftly carried him back into unconsciousness, his body wrapped around Duncan for warmth.

Duncan stayed still for him even through his arm falling asleep, not wanting to disturb him. Will needed his rest for the travel. Duncan ran his fingertips and slight skating of nails softly along Will’s shoulder causing the younger man to twitch subtlety in his sleep. Duncan’s heart swelled watching Will. His eyes moving behind his eyelids, Duncan couldn’t help but wonder if he was dreaming of him. No. Surely not.

Had Will really told him he loved him? Duncan was still in disbelief. What could he possibly have done to deserve him? He had wreaked so much havoc in the world, taking so many lives, some of them innocent and accidental. He was a bad person in his own eyes, how on earth had this beautiful man fallen into his lap?

Time passed quickly with the knowledge of it being their last hour together for a while. The alarm beeping on Duncan’s watch shocked him out of his lovestruck stupor. He immediately turned the alarm off and kissed Will’s forehead.

“Wake up, baby,” he whispered. “It’s six.”

Will let out a disgruntled whine, burrowing his face further into Duncan’s chest.

“You’re gunna miss your flight if you don’t get up.”

“That’s fine,” Will sighed, his eyes remaining closed and his voice at a whisper.

“No,”Duncan chuckled. “No, it’s not fine. You need to get up.”

“Can’t you come with me?” Will said, slowly opening his eyes and looking up at Duncan.

“I want to,” Duncan said, caressing Will’s cheek with the back of his hand.

“Then I’ll buy you a plane ticket. We can share the hotel room the commissioner funded.”

There was nothing Duncan wanted more than to go with him but he knew he would end up being a distraction. Plus, he needed some time to himself. He could never tire of Will’s company. He was in love with him for fuck’s sake. But he needed some time to process all of this; the relationship, the future, this new ‘L’ word he hadn’t spoken in decades. His head was in a tizzy and he needed to sort it out on his own.

“I can’t, honey,” Duncan said.”I have some things to get done around here.” It wasn’t a complete lie, though the things he needed to get done were related to mental clarity.

Will pouted. “I’ll miss you.”

“I’ll miss you too.”

Will kissed him, not allowing the kiss to linger for worry they would lose control and it would turn into a longer activity. “I’ll see you Monday then.”

Duncan nodded, memorizing his face, his fingers on Will’s chin.

“Do you want me to drive you to the airport?”

“No, it’s okay I’ll take my own car.”

“Are you saying that just because you know I’m tired? I’ll be fine.”

“You didn’t sleep all night. Again. I don’t want you driving. I want the second I leave for you to fall asleep and get a good rest, maybe dream about me a little bit. Don’t even think of getting out of this bed.”

“Honey…”

“No arguing,” Will smirked getting up and retrieving his shirt from the side of the bed tossing it on. He stepped into his sweatpants on the side of the mattress and stood tugging them up. “My suitcase is at my place, I’m gunna grab it, have a quick shower, and then I’ll be off.” He walked around to Duncan’s side of the bed. “Sleep,” he kissed Duncan’s forehead. He turned to leave but Duncan stopped him grabbing his wrist.

Will turned to him, looking down.

“Why do you love me?” He couldn’t stop himself from saying it. Fuck he hated himself, why did he have to come off sounding like a teenage girl with insecurity issues. He just had to know. Will had a plane to catch and here he was sounding like a needy adolescent. How pathetic. His shame was building.

Will’s face softened before dropping to his knees. He held one of Duncan’s hands in both of his, kissing his palm. He avoided eye contact at first, taking the time to find the words. “I love you because you’re kind, you’re beautiful, you’re brave.” He met Duncan’s eyes. “I love you because you take your time to make sure I feel good, ever concerned with how I’m doing…in and out of bed.” Will laughed softly. “I love you because the way your voice changes when you’re talking to me, you don’t notice the subtle difference but I do. I love you because of the way you look at me, like I’m something far better than what I know I am...than what I deserve. I love you because you love me. I could go on and on but I think I’ll miss my flight and half the day if I listed everything I love about you.” He kissed Duncan’s palm again.

Duncan licked his lips, his jaw twitching, breaking eye-contact with Will to stare up at the ceiling, willing his tears not to fall. He’d never felt more secure or cared about in his life, not even when he was a child. Will was the best thing to ever happen to him and he couldn’t fathom a future without him.

“Baby?” Will said, his voice so soft he almost wasn’t heard.

Duncan turned to look at him, seeing himself reflected in Will’s still sleepy eyes. The sunlight was starting to seep into the room.

“When I get back do you want to move in together?”

Duncan nodded slowly, his eyes now drooping. He was content, this was the most perfect feeling. “I would love that.”

“You’re stuck with me,” Will said in a sing-song voice with a smile, pressing Duncan’s palm to his cheek.

“You’re gunna be late,” Duncan said. “Go.”

If Duncan had known what he’d come to know he wouldn’t have run him off so quickly. He wouldn’t have let Will leave at all. He would’ve bundled him up under the blankets and held him tight where no one could hurt him.

“I want to kiss you again but if I do I’m worried I won’t be able to leave.”

“Let’s keep it under three seconds.”

“Deal.”

Their kiss latest fifteen seconds before Duncan was pulling back. “Go,” he chuckled sleepily.

“I love you,” Will said.

Duncan said it back and Will was off.

The imaginary shutting of the front door in his reflecting mind startled him out of his stupor.

He didn’t have time to cry or show any emotion, if he allowed himself to slip into the comforting embrace of depression he wouldn’t be able to pull himself out of that hole. He had to block it out and keep moving.

“Will?” He had whimpered over the phone after hearing the muffled hit.

Someone had him.

He cursed himself for taking Will on that public outing, he never should’ve risked them being seen together. This was all his fault. He screamed and kicked the bedside table causing it to topple over. He let out a strangled cry and covered his mouth. No. No breaking down.  _He needs me._

Remembering their last physical moments together was making Duncan physically ill. If something happened to Will he would never be able to forgive himself. Someone had Duncan’s heart in a figurative vice and was squeezing it, threatening to toss it into a blender. _If I lose him..._ He couldn’t bear the thought.

He was going to find whomever did this and he was going to kill anyone he had to in order to get his boyfriend back. All bets were off. He didn’t care what he had to do, what barriers he had to smash. He would risk incarceration and death itself in order to make sure Will was safe.

He made a promise and he intended on keeping it.

  

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shit gets real in the next episode. This was just fluffy as hell, I’m sorry.
> 
> Also this is my first chapter of anything ever that doesn’t contain smut - so, it was weird for me 😂


	5. Chapter 5

Ten-minutes later Duncan was cleaned, suited, prepared and was in his truck on his way to Texas where Will had flown a few days prior, his phone pressed to his cheek. A blizzard warning was scheduled for later that afternoon so he’d be missing it by a few hours, thank God. Though nothing, not even a terrifying act of nature could keep him from leaving his cabin to get to Will.

“Hello?” A woman with a cold voice answered.

“Vivian, where is he?” Duncan grunted.

“I don’t know what y-“

“Where the fuck is he?” Duncan shouted into the receiver. He swerved around the car in front of him, his foot planted firmly against the pedal rocketing him forward.

“Duncan…”

“Where is he?” His voice broke at the end, a tear streaming from his eye.

“They’re holding him for someone. I’m telling you this because you’re my friend. It’s a lost cause. Turn back. They’ll kill you on sight.”

“Who?”

“Some guy who paid up front. I don’t know his name. A psychiatrist from Baltimore.”

“What?” Duncan said. “This has nothing to do with me?”

“We’ve known you were together but we haven’t cared. As long as no information was leaked, we were staying out of your business, Duncan, we’re not that kind of evil.”

“So this is a third party?”

“Yes.”

“What does this guy want with him?”

“You don’t want to know. He’s bad news. Turn back. Go home, Duncan.”

“That’s not a fucking option.”

“It is if you don’t want to die.”

“I would rather die than not save him.”

Vivian laughed. “Wow you really like this guy? Didn’t peg you for the protector type. Always so stoic, like you don’t care about anyone.”

Duncan kept quiet knowing that much was true, before he’d met Will he shut everyone out. How this beautiful persistent man had broken through his barriers, he’ll never know.

“Does this…psychiatrist have him yet?”

“He’s coming to pick him up within the hour.”

“I’ll buy him out. I’ll pay more. Give him back. Please.”

“We can’t do that, we’ve signed contracts. You know how this works.”

“Vivian,” Duncan’s voice broke again. “Please.”

“This isn’t the Duncan that I know,” she laughed. “You sound like a pathetic love-sick puppy. Turn around. You’ll find another…partner.”

“Is he there?” Duncan ignored her. “Is he at headquarters?”

“I’m not telling you that.”

“God damn it, Vivian. I’ll kill you, you know I won’t hesitate.”

“You’ll kill your friend of ten years to save the piece of ass you’ve been fucking? Really?” She cackled. “Wow, Duncan. Wow. Challenge accepted. But if you come anywhere near here we will shoot you.”

Duncan was silent, waiting for her to realize and remember that he’s been through much worse and ended up completing exactly what he’d set out to do.

“Okay,” she said. “Okay. I’ll send you the address to where he’s going. Don’t come here.”

“You said Baltimore? That’s over thirty-hours away. This guy will kill him or…do whatever he’s gunna do before I get there.”

“Possibly.”

Duncan grimaced.

“Can you stall him?”

“I can’t even tell anyone I told you about this,” she said. “Obviously I can’t fucking stall them. Get on a fucking plane. He’ll be driving. You should beat him there.”

—

Duncan sped to the airport, on the way receiving a text message with the address. Duncan memorized it and deleted it, not wanting to leave any evidence if this all went sour.

The next flight to Baltimore wasn’t for five hours which caused much anxiety. He sat fidgeting and tapping his foot in a seat at the terminal thinking of all the things he was going to do with whomever had Will. How he was going to tear them limb from limb.

The flight was brutal, Duncan was sick to his stomach with worry wondering if this man picked Will up and killed him on sight, or took him to the torture arena located at headquarters. What if he wasn’t even bringing Will home with him? What if he was already dead? His mind was swimming. Forcing a sleeping pill chased with a glass of whiskey he passed out, not wanting to think about anything anymore. Not until he had to.


	6. Chapter 6

“Happy birthday,” Will said standing outside Duncan’s door holding a bouquet of flowers, a big smile on his face. Duncan’s heart fluttered, fuck was he cute. He hadn’t been expecting him to show up much less with a gift.

“Will…”

“Do you like them? Daisies,” he smiled. “They’re your favorite, right?”

Duncan had blurted out that fake fact out during their first outing a week prior, not expecting it to be remembered. “They’re beautiful,” he said accepting them as Will extended his arm to pass them on. “I can’t believe you remembered that.” He didn’t know the first thing about flowers except that they needed sunlight and water, that much he remembered vaguely from kindergarten. Besides that he wasn’t doing a very good job in studying up on them to keep his lie convincing.

Will stepped into the cabin and closed the wooden door. “I wasn’t sure if they were the right color, the guy at the shop was trying to get me to purchase some Gerber Daises, you know the ones that come in pink and red? Of course you know. Anyway, I figured I’d go with the classic white…figured they would light up your birthday appropriately.” Will stroked one of the petals with the tips of his fingers.

Duncan couldn’t give a single care about flowers but the way Will was carrying on and entertaining the notion of him being retired from the flower business made his heart clench. He was so thoughtful.

“I love them,” Duncan said, leaning in to smell them. They smelt fresh and clean and a little bit like Will. Maybe flowers weren’t so bad. “Thank you, baby.” He kissed him, holding the side of Will’s face with his other hand.

“You mentioned you spent your last birthday alone so I figured I’d surprise you.”

“How’d you know the day?” Duncan had planned on keeping it a secret, always being too embarrassed to celebrate turning a year older, too nervous he would be bothering others to ask them to join him.

“I looked at your license when you were in the shower the other night,” he said. “Is that weird?”

Duncan chuckled. “No. No it’s fine. I appreciate it,” he gestured the flowers up. “And I’m glad you’re here.” He pecked Will on the lips again.

“I figured we could stay in,” Will said. “You seem more comfortable at home.” He wrapped his arms around Duncan’s waist and looked up at him. “I’m gunna cook for you and then we’re gunna fuck in front of the fireplace. That sound good to you?”

“Mmm…Like heaven.”

—-

“That smells delicious,” Duncan said walking behind Will to wrap his arms around him. Will was stirring something in a pot. He burrowed his face in Will’s neck and swayed their hips together, pressing up behind him. “What is it?”

Will had gone back to his cabin to grab food to cook after seeing Duncan’s cabinets were almost completely bare. He could be making anything.

“This is just the soup,” Will laughed, feeling Duncan’s mustache tickle his neck. “Broccoli-cheddar. Barbecue chicken is in the oven. Garlic bread is going in to get warmed up soon.”

Duncan made a happy sound, squeezing Will tighter around the middle. “I don’t deserve you.”

“Are you already drunk?” Will said, looking at the bottle of wine he’d brought over which was now only half full. “You lightweight,” he chuckled.

“I had a head start before you got here,” Duncan defended himself with a whine.

“You get so cuddly when you’re wasted,” Will said. “I kinda like it.”

“Let’s stop drinking for a bit though, I need you nice and hard later,” he pressed his ass back against Duncan’s crotch.

“Trust me when I say I won’t struggle with that,” Duncan said. “You smell really good too.”

“I had an old acquaintance of mine who used to tell me I smelled horrible,” Will laughed, looking up, reminiscing. “Used to tell me my aftershave was quote unquote atrocious. It gave me somewhat of a complex.”

“Well that acquaintance was a moron, you smell pretty.”

“Pretty?” Will laughed. “Tell me Duncan, how does one smell pretty?”

“Maybe it’s your pheromones.”

Will laughed harder. “Pheromones aren’t smellable. Not really anyway.”

“Your pheromones are sexy.”

Will shook his head, staring back at the pot, a smile on his face thoroughly enjoying Duncan’s drunken commentary.

“Go sit down, dinner is almost finished.”

—

By the end of supper Duncan was more sober and Will was more tipsy, meeting perfectly in the middle.

“I love this song,” Will said staring longingly at the radio that had until then been ignored, the gentle humming of music had been accompanying the entire meal. “Dance with me.” Will took one last swig of their second opened bottle of wine and held out his hand.

Duncan was hesitant, not much of a dancer but ever wanting to appease Will he placed his hand in his and they stood from the table. Will dragged him over to the rug in the middle of the living room and placed his hands behind Duncan’s head, his fingers carding through his hair as their bodies began swaying. Duncan’s hands found Will’s lower back.

Tennessee Whiskey played softly in the background as they swayed together in front of the fireplace, warming their bones. Duncan looked into Will’s eyes and he felt pure contentment. Never before had he yearned for someone so much, never before had he wanted someone so badly, and that person was his. It was unfathomable. What had he done right? When will he leave? He must leave soon, this was all too good to be true.

“You’re not so bad,” Will said with a smile. “You haven’t stepped on my feet once.”

“Not yet.” Duncan teasingly stood on his foot for a moment.

“You ass,” Will shook his head with a laugh before composing himself and looking up back into Duncan’s eyes.

“Fuck you’re beautiful,” Duncan was thinking out loud.

Will’s fingers tightened behind his head. “Happy birthday,” he said softly. “I’m happy to be here to spend it with you. I hate to think of you celebrating it alone again.”

“Thank you,” Duncan kissed him, the music drowning out from the embrace.

“Now,” Will said pulling back. “Since you are the birthday boy…” he bit his lip. “What position do you want me in on this rug?”

—

Upon touching down in Baltimore Duncan opted for the fasted rental he could get and immediately got onto the freeway. He had to leave all his weapons and materials behind so it was just himself and his hands. He considered stopping at a gun store but he decided against it, not knowing if he had time to spare and not wanting to risk it. His hands were enough, he was confident of that. Vivian had told him this man would be driving but that may not have been the case, he might already have Will at his home, if he brought him there in the first place.

He was gaining on the house, speeding as fast as he could. His anger building, his worry suppressed for the time being, not allowing it to crash over him. Whoever this was, was dead.

—

There was a car in the side driveway when Duncan pulled up. His heart was pounding in his chest as he hopped out of the car and ran up to the closest window to peer inside.

Nothing.

He didn’t bother trying to lift the window but immediately fished for a device in his coat pocket, using the magnet to unlock it he climbed inside. Duncan heard faint muttering coming from within the house. Someone was definitely there. He followed the voice, ducking in the shadows of the corners until he came upon a dining room. Duncan peeked in from the side and his stomach dropped.

Will was there. He looked okay for the most part. Alive at the very least. But he was tied up, blood was covering his shirt surely coming from a wound on the side of his head. His eyes were closed but he was sat upright, swaying slightly. He had the appearance of someone who had been drugged.

The man who’d paid for him kept making trips back and forth between the dining room and the kitchen setting up an elaborate place setting near Will’s end of the table. Duncan was waiting for the perfect time to strike, needing to purvey the situation first.

“You know, Will,” the man wearing a white half-apron said as he began setting up an electric stove. “I only knew you for a day but you have the most fascinating mind I’ve ever come across. Jack still marvels at your forensic abilities to this day. You could’ve been something great to the FBI, Will. Something extraordinary.” The man chuckled to himself. “I don’t know why I find it necessary to speak aloud, you can’t even understand me, not with how far in the hole you are in currently. It’s a shame. But it will make this all so much less painful.” He had finished setting the scene, plopping butter onto the electric stove causing it to sizzle before grabbing a device and turning it on. It was a little electric saw.

“Perhaps consuming that beautiful enigma of a mind of yours will allow me to develop the same senses. One can only hope. At the very least you will taste delicious. I haven’t had such a delicacy in ages.” He began making his way toward Will’s forehead with the saw when Duncan stepped out of the shadows.

“Get away from him.”

The man turned uncaring. “You think I didn’t know you were there? Sit down, we will feast on him together.”

Will’s eyes were moving underneath his eyelids, he groaned sleepily. Duncan had no idea if Will knew what was even going on, he hoped not. He didn’t want Will to remember any of this if they made it out. Duncan knew more than anyone what PTSD did to people, he didn’t want Will to suffer that same fate.

“One inch closer and I’ll fucking kill you. Let him go.” He planned on killing him regardless.

The man sighed, his shoulders slouching. The device stopped and he held it with both hands. “Fine. Take him.”

Duncan stepped one foot closer when the man turned the saw back on and chucked it at Duncan’s head. Duncan dodged it and advanced toward the man, balling his hand into a fist before making contact with the man’s face spraying blood across the table. The man slouched and Duncan went to grab him in a choke hold but the man retaliated by grabbing the nearest fork and plunging it into Duncan’s left eye.

Duncan screamed, trying to cover it with his hand. Duncan couldn’t see to one side but swiped his arm out looking for the man and found him by the collar, slamming him face first into the table. The man was out cold, Duncan inwardly rejoiced before staring at Will, his one good eye swimming unable to focus wondering how he was going to get Will out of there before a needle was jabbed into his ankle. The last thing he saw before he passed out was Will’s neck giving out and his head falling back.

 


	7. Chapter 7

The first sense that came back to Duncan was that of smell. He had no idea where he was but wherever it was it smelled clean and sterile. The smell of cotton was stronger than anything . A soft beeping sound accompanied the smells and he realized he was lying supine, the head of the bed was at an angle so he wasn’t completely flat. He felt something covering his left eye and wrapping around his head held firmly there.

All at once he had a flashback of what happened, him finding Will, him fighting the man but that’s all he could remember. He didn’t remember passing out or how he got to where he currently was. He tried opening his eyes but was only able to open one. That confused him in his foggy state, even with the knowledge that one of his eyes was wrapped up. He looked around the room and realized he was in a hospital.

The beeping sounds were coming from the computer next to him reading his heart rate and he was plugged up with IVs. He hadn’t been in a hospital in decades. The business he was in didn’t allow for such public healing. If you got injured on the job you’d better find a black market doctor and fast. Hospitals tended to come with legalities, authorities, and lots of questions.

His mind was shifting back and forth between the past and present trying to piece together everything that had happened and the order in which they did. He sat up, the only part of him he was able to move was his neck.

_Where is Will?_

He sat up with a load groan, his body felt a hundred pounds heavier, like led had replaced his bones. He fumbled for the IVs in his arms ripping them out and causing a bloody mess over the sheet. He reached for the side of his head to find his head was indeed bandaged up, his eye covered with a thick tape and cotton padding.

_What happened to my eye?_

He stood on the side of the bed and got his bearings before lifting himself up with a moan, nearly falling forward. His legs wobbling beneath them. He stood and walked as fast and as steadily as he could to the door and flung it open running out into the hallway and up to the nurses station.

“Where is he?” He mumbled, gripping the counter.

“Oh my god,” one of the nurses said. “Get Dr. Kelvin up here now,” she spoke to her colleague. “You need to get back in bed, Sir.”

“Where is he?” He raised his voice, his words coming out slurred.

Multiple nurses came from behind Duncan to hold his arms and help him back into bed. “Get off me!” Duncan pushed at them. “Where is he?”

“Where’s who Mr. Vizla?” A Doctor said from behind him.

“Curly hair…..name…..Will…” his eye wasn’t focusing, not able to tell who was speaking, the left over medicine in his veins making quick work of him.

  
Duncan began crying, allowing himself to fall to the ground and burying his face in his hands. The nurses and doctor stood around him, not knowing if they should touch him if he were to lash out. Duncan’s sobs could be heard across the entire hospital floor. He’d never allowed emotion to get the best of him, definitely not to that degree. He’d been holding back since Will had first gotten snagged and the flood gates had finally opened.

_He’s dead. He’s dead. He must be. I didn’t get to him in time, this is my fault._

He repeated those words over and over as his body wracked with sobs.

He felt something jab his arm and he was being lifted back to the bed before he passed out again.

—-

In his sleep Duncan dreamt of Will.

He dreamt everything was different, that he had never been the Black Kaiser and they’d met under different circumstances. Normalcy, the thing he had craved the most was his in this dream world. They held hands on the beach, they kissed at a bar as the New Year’s ball fell on television, he fell asleep safely and securely with Will at his side, not having to worry about hurting him.

It was a perfect world. It was a world Duncan had fabricated in his head the most often with dreams of someday achieving it. Working toward this dream world was his upmost goal. In his mind, in this alternate universe, he was someone completely different.

He was someone Will would stay with.

Duncan kissed Will on Christmas morning, the smell of pine in the air. He pulled back to look at him and held his face with both hands. The touch was fading as Will himself dissipated into thin air.

“No,” he said. “No.” He reached through thin air but he was gone. “No.”

Duncan’s eyes flickered open, entering reality to see the sun had set. Hours must have passed. He focused and saw the Doctor at his bedside.

“He’s here.”

“What?” His mouth felt very dry, licking his lips.

“The man you’re looking for,” she said. “He’s here.”

“Will?”

She nodded. “I think so. He’s the guy you came in with.”

Duncan’s heart thrummed and his eye opened wide. “Take me to him,” he begged. “Please. Is he okay?”

“He’s asleep.”

“But he’s okay?” His voice faltering at the end.

She nodded. “For the most part. He suffered a pretty serious head injury and he’s been in a medically induced coma for three days.”

“We’ve been here for three days?”

She nodded. “You two were dropped off at the ER by someone in a blue van before they sped off. Nobody saw who it was except at least four hospital staff swear they saw the driver had long blonde hair.”

_Vivian._

“You were almost dead, Duncan. Whoever did this to you meant to kill you with the shot they administered.”

“I don’t care about me. I want to see Will,” his voice was rough and coarse, he began to cough. The Doctor poured him some water and handed it to him.

“What is your relation to him?”

“He’s my boyfriend,” Duncan said. He’d never said it out loud before. “I need to see him.”

“I’m sorry,” the Doctor said. “Only blood relatives and spouses are allowed in the ICU to visit.”

“Please,” Duncan pleaded.

“There’s nothing I can do, I’m sorry. It’s protocol.”

“I’ll pay you,” he said, his voice waning. “A million dollars. Overlook it.” He was going to see Will, whatever he had to do. “Say he’s my husband.” He grit his teeth, imagining if that were real.

The Doctor hesitated thinking about it.

“Fine,” she said. “But you don’t need to pay me.” She could get in serious trouble if higher ups found out about financial bribery to overlook the law. “You’ll have to wait until morning though, we’re bringing him out of his coma then. We have some tests to run and then we’ll fetch you.”

Duncan nodded.

—-

Duncan stayed awake all night, the anxiety of Will’s state wearing on him. He had received such little information, he didn’t know what state Will would be in once he saw him again. He wasn’t a religious man but he prayed for hours. He had started to slip into sleep when a nurse came to fetch him at nine. She helped him into a wheelchair, which he resisted at first. Reminding him that was the only stipulation the Doctor had he gave in and accepted its help.

  
They took the elevator up to the ICU and entered the floor, Will’s room was the first door on the right.

The nurse stopped wheeling Duncan’s chair right outside the room seeing a Doctor was in there running tests but he could see in. Will was awake, and seemed to be okay. His head was wrapped, a bandage around a wound, but he was responding well to the Doctor’s physical. Duncan’s smiled, his prayers had been answered. He couldn’t wait to get his hands on Will, hold him, kiss him, tell him he loved him and how sorry he was that he failed at protecting him.

_What if he’s mad at me?_

“Good,” the Doctor said, shining the light in Will’s second eye testing his pupil dilation. “What’s your name?”

“Will Graham.”

“Good. Birth year?”

“Nineteen seventy-five.”

“We don’t have ID but I trust you,” the Doctor said with a smile. “You seem to be okay. You have a visitor, are you well enough?”

“Yeah,” Will scooted up in the bed with a grimace, in obvious pain. “Who is it?”

The nurse took the cue and wheeled Duncan in and over to the bed. Will looked at him with wide eyes.

The Doctor and nurse both left leaving them alone together.

“Hey,” Duncan said softly. “I’m so glad you’re okay.” He reached out to hold Will’s hand. Will yanked his hand away from him, holding it against his chest. Duncan’s heart sunk.

“Who are you?” 

 


	8. Chapter 8

Duncan was frozen in a stupor. What was he talking about? Will was looking at him exactly like anyone would if a complete stranger had just entered their hospital room and tried to hold their hand. His own truth, not to be blamed.

He didn’t know what to say, what to do. His bottom lip quivered slightly before being tugged back with his teeth biting back his emotion.

“Will?” He sighed the name, staring down at his hands in his lap, not addressing the man but in a strange way just to say it.

Will’s eyebrows raised.

“How do you know me?”

Duncan felt as if someone just punched him in the gut. Tears were welling in his eyes again but he held them back, afraid he would scare him. He no doubt was the first one to discover Will’s amnesia, if the Doctor had he would’ve been warned first.

Duncan continued staring down at his own hands, fiddling with his fingers. “I uh…I saved you. You must not remember but we’re neighbors.”

“I live in the middle of nowhere. How are we neighbors?” Will’s voice was laced with suspicion, a tiny air of hostility behind the way he spoke.

Every part of Duncan wanted to flee but he knew he wouldn’t be allowed back if Will did indeed have memory loss, he would bar him access to his room.

“Do you...Will, do know what year it is?”

Will named a year two years in the past. “Right?”

Duncan didn’t know how to react.

“Where’s Alana?”

“Who’s Alana, ba…” he almost slipped up with the term of endearment, his voice soft before adjusting it. “…Will?”

“My girlfriend.”

Duncan felt a knot in his stomach. This was a nightmare, this was all one big long drawn out nightmare. Will had regressed two years into the past, he didn’t remember him, he didn’t even remember moving to Triple Oak. In Will’s mind he was still a resident of Wolf Trap, Virginia and was living with his ex-girlfriend. Duncan was a stranger to him, not someone he loves, not someone he likes, not even his friend. Duncan didn’t exist to him anymore.

“My girlfriend, her name is Alana Bloom, is she here?” Will pressed. “Is this all wrong?” He suddenly sounded small and confused.“Am I wrong?”

Duncan wanted so badly to correct him, tell him he was his boyfriend, that they’d been together for two months and that they were in love. He wanted to tell him everything, but he was struggling inwardly with it.

_Is he better off without me?_

Duncan thought about how much easier Will’s life would be without him. Will could find someone who enjoyed going out, didn’t need to lie about their past, who was able to fall asleep in the same bed as him for fuck’s sake. Duncan had always known this day would come, that Will would leave, he just figured it would be his body that left and not his mind.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Will said.

Duncan covered the bottom half of his face with his hands and sighed, lowering them again with a scratch of his facial hair and making eye contact with the man he loved. “Like what?” He did everything to make his voice sound normal.

“Like…” Will shook his head staring into Duncan’s eyes. “I don’t know…Like I mean a lot to you?”

“I saved you,” Duncan swallowed, looking away. “That’s all.”

“I’m sorry but I don’t…” Will sighed. “I don’t know you.”

“You got injured, you bumped your head,” Duncan said with a sad smile. “I don’t blame you for forgetting. I’m not a very memorable guy.” He forced a laugh trying to play it off as light-hearted banter when everything in him wanted to scream.

Will touched the bandage wrapped around his own skull with delicate fingers. “Is that how you hurt your eye? Saving me?”

“I think so, yeah. I’m not sure, the whole thing at the end is still a blur.”

“What did you say your name was?”

“Duncan,” he said, a hopeful twist of the word at the end, hoping against hope it triggered some kind of reminder in Will’s head.

“Like the donut shop?” Will said.

Duncan nodded with a smile, reminiscing about the first time he told Will his name and he replied with the exact same sentence. “Yeah, like the donut shop.”

“I’m really confused,” Will said so softly Duncan almost missed it.

“What are you confused about?” Duncan wanted nothing more than to hold his hand.

  
“This feels like a dream,” Will said. “You never answered. Did I get the year right?”

“No,” Duncan told the truth. “No you didn’t.” There was no way to keep him in the dark on the aspect.

Tears began welling in Will’s eyes.

“Why did Alana not come visit? Is she mad that I work too much again?” Will’s voice became shaky, staring down and nervously tugging on the hospital blanket.

“Will…Alana isn’t coming.”

“Why?” He snapped, shooting a hostile look at Duncan. “What did you do?”

“I didn’t do anyt…”

“Yes you did,” Will said. “You told her not to come. You failed at successfully saving me from…whatever happened…you let me hit my head. You’re the reason I’m here. You told Alana not to come.” Tears began streaming down Will’s cheeks. “Please don’t lie to me.”

Duncan was flabbergasted, sitting back in his wheelchair staring at Will. It physically hurt seeing him upset and knowing he couldn’t touch him, soothe him, tell him he loved him and that he was there. He’d never witnessed Will cry before and it was gut wrenching.

Duncan couldn’t hold it back anymore, not thinking but allowing his body to do what it was craving, reaching his hand out to touch Will’s arm. Will yanked back out of his grasp before he could lay a finger on him.

“Get out.”

“Wi…”

“GET OUT!”

Duncan startled from the shouting.

The Doctor came running into the room. “What’s going on?”

“Get him out of here,” Will demanded. “Now! Get him the fuck out of here!”

The Doctor looked back and forth between Duncan and Will. Duncan was a statue in his seat, not a single inch of him moving save his trembling lip.

The nurse came in and wheeled Duncan into the hallway.

Before the nurse shut the room door Duncan heard Will speaking to the doctor.

“I don’t want him back in here.”

—-

“I want to remember this,” Will said with a laugh holding his phone above them as they both lie on the bed, the screen facing them at a selfie angle.

“God no I look awful,” Duncan said covering his face with his hand which Will promptly smacked away.

“Come on,” Will said nuzzling into Duncan’s neck keeping his arm up all the time. “It’s a video,” he said with a smile so softly the camera barely picked it up. He kissed Duncan’s bare shoulder.

“Of course it is.” Duncan replied with the same tone.

“You hate being on camera don’t you?” Will teased.

If the video got leaked Will would be putting himself on a kill list as a revenge hit against one of Duncan’s many dirty deeds but he wasn’t about to tell Will that. The chances it would leak were slim but Duncan didn’t want to gamble with it, he already was planning on deleting the video from his phone once Will wasn’t looking. Until then he let him have his fun.

Duncan ignored the previous question.

“What exactly is it you want to remember?”

Will looked directly into the camera. “I want to remember how happy I am at this moment.” He turned to lock eyes with Duncan. “Right here. With you.”

Duncan ran the side of his thumb down Will’s cheek from the bone to his chin, slowly taking in Will’s features, how his eyes shined for him.

“That’s corny as hell.”

“Ugh, God I know,” Will said sticking his tongue out in disgusted pant. “Gross.”

Duncan tugged Will closer and closed the distance between their mouths, kissing him softly, their lips and tongues moving together. Will’s arm started dropping from holding the phone up when Duncan blindly reached for it to take it from him to continue holding it and capturing them. Will tucked both of his arms and hands against Duncan’s chest as he allowed Duncan to dominate the embrace. Will retreated, their eyes still shut and their noses still touching.

“If anyone ever watches this they’re going to vomit,” Will laughed.

“Most likely,” Duncan kissed him in a peck again.

Will cupped Duncan’s face with both his hands and pulled back again, his thumbs stroking his cheeks looking into his eyes. “I never want to forget this moment,” he sighed. He turned to look up Duncan’s arm holding the camera.

“Your arm is gunna fall off,” he laughed. “Turn it off.”

Duncan kissed Will’s cheek before he pressed the button.

What Duncan wouldn’t give for that video now. If only to remind himself that what he and Will had was real and it wasn’t all just a dream.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to everyone who is reading this! 
> 
> There are many more chapters to come! Please stay tuned!


	9. Chapter 9

“I haven’t done this in a long time,” Duncan said stringing his brand new fishing pole he’d bought for the occasion.

“It’s my favorite thing in the world,” Will said, distracted and fiddling with things in his open tackle box. “Which was why it was perfect when you hadn’t even met me yet and your welcome gift was this pole,” He jostled the fishing pole in his lap to gesture to it. “Nothing more relaxing than dropping a line.”

Will found the lure he’d been looking for, one that he’d made over a year ago in Virginia and strung it in.

Duncan and Will were sitting in Will’s cabin by the fireplace getting all of their gear together before heading to the lake outside.

Will’s cabin was much larger and more modern than Duncan’s with brand new appliances and marble countertops and a system installed that adjusted the lights with the command of your voice.

It all made Duncan feel very old and embarrassed that his residence was so run down and archaic. If he remembered corrected he purchased his fridge in nineteen-ninety-one. But Will never seemed to mind spending time at Duncan’s and he never cared for material things. Duncan’s damaged heart was finding every excuse to feel inadequate.

“We have live bait why are you using that?”

“It’s one of my lucky lures,” Will explained. “I used to make them back in Virginia.”

“What makes it lucky?”

“You’re gunna laugh at me.”

“Nah.”

“I added a few of my dog Winston’s shedded hairs to the inside of it,” Will said. “Winston was a rescue I found on the side of the road and he always warned me when danger was near, he was the smartest dog I ever had. Every time I used one of these lucky lures I not only didn’t lose the lure by having it bitten off but I always caught a big fat fish.”

“Is Winston still with us?”

“Oh yeah,” Will said. “He’s one of the seven still back there.”

“I’d like to meet him one day,” Duncan said taking a sip of his open beer. “All of them.” He coughed into the corner of his arm.

“I’d like that too,” Will said with a smile. “We’ll have to take a trip there, I want to show you around. Mostly so I can show off who I have on my arm, but…” Will took a swig of his own beer.

“You’d really be proud showing me off?” Duncan chuckled.

“Of course, why wouldn’t I be?”

Duncan dropped it, not wanting to look as pathetic as he felt.

“I want to take you to a gun range,” Duncan said. “Show you the ropes.”

“I know how to shoot,” Will smiled. “I used to be a cop, remember?”

“Oh yeah.”

“You didn’t remember did you?” Will laughed.

Duncan shook his head bringing his beer back to his mouth with a deep chuckle. He took a deep swig. “Sorry.”

“It’s fine, I remember saying it once in passing,” Will said, busying his hands again with his tackle box to lock it down. “I’m sure there are plenty other things you can teach me.”

“Oh there are plenty,” Duncan said.

“Don’t give me that look,” Will said with laugh. “I worked hard to get these fishing poles ready. Duncan, seriously quit you know that look drives me cr…”

A minute later Duncan and Will were on the adjacent couch, their mouths moving together as Will straddled Duncan’s lap, grinding his half hard cock against his.

“Just once,” Will sighed against Duncan’s lips. “Just once I want to not get distracted,” he smiled before claiming Duncan’s lips again.

Duncan thought it could be a lot worse, they could be the couple that had to create activities in order to avoid having sex. He and Will’s sex life was healthy, maybe a little too healthy but that was up for debate.

“You’ll be so relaxed,” Duncan whispered in Will’s ear. “I’ll make you come hard, baby, and then you get to do your favorite activity. You’ll feel so good. Hmm? Is that so bad?”

Will sighed deeply, his body relaxing against Duncan’s. Duncan raked his fingers up Will’s flannel shirt along his spine and teased the skin there with his nails causing Will to twitch. He dipped his hand down into the back of Will’s pants over his briefs to rub soft circles over his hole. His own cock twitching. Will pressed back against his finger and whimpered against Duncan’s lips.

Duncan, impatient, helped Will undress from the bottom down and he did the same to himself before accepting Will back into his arms.

“You’re so good to me,” Will whispered, rubbing against Duncan’s thigh.

“Where’s your lube, baby?”

“Mmm…” he pouted. “All the way in my bedroom.”

Duncan kissed him. “Go get it.” He slapped Will’s thigh.

Will got up and walked to his bedroom and came back with a smirk and the bottle he shook happily in triumph.

Duncan smiled and bit his lip. “Get over here.”

Will straddled Duncan again and he made quick work of prepping him, coating his fingers in lube and fucking him slowly with one, two, then three of his digits while Will writhed on his lap, gasping softly into his neck.

“Want you,” Will panted. “Come on.”

Duncan retreated his fingers and pressed himself in. He watched Will’s face as he entered him, always marveling at how pliant and willing he was for him, how open to him he was, not only physically but mentally.

Duncan had known he loved Will for weeks and every time he entered him he was so tempted to tell him, the fear of rejection always hindering him from doing so. Will had become the best thing he’d ever had in his life, the best thing that was his and nobody else’s. For once.

Will took him all the way and whined, the feeling of being full making his thighs tremble. Duncan wrapped his arms around him and tried to buck up but Will placed his hands on Duncan’s shoulders.

“No, baby,” Will sighed. “Let me.” He laced his fingers in Duncan’s and moved them against the back of the couch.

Duncan stayed still and allowed Will to fuck himself on his cock, rising and falling, his eyes closed and his head back, his neck dripping with sweat, the beads of it streaking down his skin to die at the collar of his flannel.

Duncan’s body spasmed, his hips rising. “Stay still,” Will said.

“I can’t, baby, you feel so fucking good.”

Will opened his eyes to look down at him. “Do I have to tie you down to this couch?”

Duncan grunted and bit his lip. “Maybe,” he chuckled in his deep voice.

Will smiled and rolled his eyes but kept moving his hips, rising and falling on Duncan’s lap again and again, grinding forward every few times, methodically chasing his own pleasure.

Watching Will in such a beautiful state combined with the feeling of being so absolutely close to the man he was in love with was driving Duncan to the edge embarrassingly quick. “M’close, baby,” he sighed.

“Don’t,” Will said. “Let me…first.”

Duncan grit his teeth, his eyes closed tight, determined not to let his boy down. The feeling was overwhelming, boiling up in his belly, urging to bubble over.

“I can’t hold back much longer,” Duncan sighed under his breath almost to the point where Will couldn’t hear it.

“Yes you can. Do it for me,” Will bent to kiss Duncan’s lips. He was speaking in broken sentences between breathy sighs. “You feel so good inside me. So so good. Please let me. Not long.”

Will grabbed Duncan’s other hand in his so he was holding both in one hand, pinning them still to the back of the couch as he wrapped his hand around himself stroking at the same pace as he rode. Duncan wanted to do that for him but was being held down. He stared down at Will touching himself and back up to meet Will’s eyes, drunk with power. Will smirked.

“You like me taking control?” Will sighed.

Duncan nodded slowly, not able to tear his eyes away from Will’s handsome face. He would let the man do anything to him.

“You’d better get used to it.” Will bent down to kiss him again in a peck. “It’s going to be happening a lot more.”

“Fuck,” Duncan sighed. “C’mon.” His thighs were twitching with how close he was.

Will circled against his tip and stroked down in one swift movement at the same time as he lowered himself and gasped, rutting forward as he came. His mind cloudy and his muscles relaxed caused Duncan’s hand to be released. Duncan held Will by his lower back and took over for him, stroking Will through his orgasm while Will whimpered into his neck, kissing and streaking Duncan’s dark grey sweater with come. Will stilled and Duncan bucked his hips up and groaned, grasping at Will’s arms and back and neck and legs trying to find the best purchase before grunting and filling him.

“Fuck fuck,” Duncan, he kissed at Will’s chest over his t-shirt before meeting his lips again crashing them together.

—-

  
Catatonic.

Duncan lay in his hospital bed staring at the ceiling not able to drink, eat, sleep, or even think, his mind was black like his brain was a motherboard that just got doused by a rolling tide, trying to protect itself from the reality of the situation. That’s how he’d been for a full twenty-four hours after visiting Will in his room. His server would boot back up eventually but for now the only way he could get by was guarding himself from it all. 

One of the other Doctors came to visit to see how he was doing and Duncan just rolled to face away from him, to the other side of his bed to look out the window. The Doctor didn’t retreat but instead talked at him, knowing he was unlikely to respond but feeling obligated to share the information with him.

“Duncan? Can you hear me?”

Duncan didn’t move, focusing on the wind slapping against the leaves of the tree outside.

“It seems that Will sustained such a serious head injury in the kidnapping that he’s developed something called Retrograde Amnesia. It seems to have erased the past two years of his life from memory. He has no problems creating new memories though, which is a good sign. We don’t know as of right now if it’s permanent, but unfortunately with his type of amnesia it almost always is.”

A tear streamed from Duncan’s good eye onto the pillow, but he remained completely silent.

“He’s confused…very confused,” the Doctor continued. “He kept insisting we call his girlfriend...ex...anyway, she came to visit a few hours ago. She came to see how Will was and explain to him that they were no longer together and he got very upset. She’s actually married and when she told him that it threw Will into a tantrum and he had her kicked out too.”

Duncan grit his teeth.

“I doubt you’ve been watching television,” he continued. “But the man who had him was apprehended and is in prison. So there’s some relief in that. He was attached to multiple other heinous crimes and it looks like he’s going to be locked away for good. I know that doesn’t bring you complete solace but must give you some kind of…” the Doctor stopped talking. “Your injuries are not as severe as his are and you’re going to be discharged in a couple of days. A nurse will be in to change your bandage after lunch.”

—-

That night when the hospital was asleep Duncan rose for the first time in a day and snuck out of his room and up the stairs to Will’s room. He avoided staff and successfully made it inside undetected.

Will was asleep.

Duncan’s heart clenched, envisioning him just like that asleep in his bed next to him, as he’d been just less than a week ago.

Duncan walked over and as silently as he could moved a chair next to Will’s bed. He sat and hesitantly took Will’s hand in his, careful not to wake him up. He kissed the top of his hand as another tear streamed from his uninjured eye to die on Will’s knuckle.

“Remember me, baby,” he sighed so softly he could barely hear himself. “Remember me.”

He looked up and saw Will’s eyes moving behind his lids.

“I’m in there,” Duncan said, “I’m in that head somewhere. Find me. You can do it.” He kissed his hand again.

  
The room door opened and Duncan didn’t look away to see who was walking in, wanting to continue looking at Will and memorizing him as if it was the last time he’d ever see him.

A hand was placed on Duncan’s shoulder.

“C’mon,” the Doctor said in his ear.

Duncan grimaced, his lip quivering as he gave in and rose to be escorted back to his room. He turned around to take one last look at Will before he was forced out, he was still fast asleep.

 

—-

During Duncan’s last two days in the hospital all he did was sleep. When he slept Will was still his. On the rare hours between sleep when he was forcefully awake all he could do was wonder what Will was doing and if he was okay. The Doctor hadn’t given him any new information and he wasn’t going to beg for it.

The hour of his discharge came and the nurse came in to give him a set of new bandages for his eye and a brand new eyepatch to wear once it was healed. Duncan didn’t pay attention during the cleaning instructions but nodded and grunted pretending to listen.

He didn’t know if he was going home or where he was headed once he was kicked out of the hospital. So many open ended questions were weighing on his mind. He wanted to be where Will was, but knowing he was unwelcome was too painful to bear.

The original Doctor during his admittance interrupted the instruction by entering the room.

“Duncan,” she smiled. “I’m so happy you haven’t left yet.”

“Not yet,” Duncan grunted, bitter about being kept out of the loop.

He wondered why she was smiling.

“Before you do, Will said he wants see you.”

  

 


	10. Chapter 10

Elated and terrified.

Will was asking for him?

_Does he remember me? Is he going to yell at me again? What does he want?_

Duncan made a move immediately to get out of the bed and go to him but the nurse pressed his shoulder forcing him back down.

“Hold on a minute there, cowboy,” she said. “Let’s finish with this first.”

Duncan was forced to go through the long discharge process of signing papers and accepting aftercare supplies, he made his payment to get it out of the way and dressed in some new clothes he was given, an ash-blue t-shirt and jeans. As soon as Duncan was free he started toward Will’s floor.

”They moved him to a different room,” the Doctor shouted before he got too far. 

Duncan took the stairs two at a time. He ran up to the nurses station.

“Will Graham?”

“Room 125, Dear.”

Duncan located it and his heart stopped seeing Will’s name on the hospital room door.

GRAHAM, WILL

He had sped up to the room so fast but as soon as he reached it he stood paralyzed with fear for what was going to happen. Every negative thought in his mind came to him at once but so did the positives. He closed his eyes and imagined Will holding his hand and pulling him toward him, kissing him and telling him ‘let’s go home, baby.’

With a shaky hand he opened the door and walked in. Will was sat up in his bed watching television but once he saw Duncan he muted it and gave a meek and polite close-mouthed smile. Duncan’s heart was pounding and he suddenly wanted to run from the room. He couldn’t gauge Will’s facial expression. What was going on?

“Come sit down,” Will instructed scooting up on his mattress, adjusting the pillow behind his back and gesturing to the chair next to the bed.

Duncan crossed the room and sat, not taking his eyes off Will for a moment.

“So you’re out of here?” Will said, Duncan swore his eyes looked sad but it was probably his imagination.

Duncan nodded.

“They won’t tell me anything,” Will said. “The only thing they said was the guy who had me was caught. They won’t tell me who you are, only that you care enough about me to sneak into my room in the middle of the night.”

_He still doesn’t remember me._

“I…” Duncan didn’t know what to say.

“I had a dream about you,” Will said. “Last night. At least I think it was a dream. I don’t know where it came from or where we were…but it was by a lake and we were fishing. Did we ever go fishing together?”

Duncan nodded. “Once.”

“Why would I dream about you?” Will said, his voice soft. “What are you to me?”

Duncan took a deep breath. He loved Will, with everything he was, but he wanted better for him. He yearned for Will to remember on his own, but if he didn’t…

“We were neighbors, up in Triple Oak. You owned…well…currently own the cabin across the lake from me. We became really good friends.”

“Friends? Best friends, I presume?”

Duncan nodded. “Yeah, best friends.”

“Do you have any pictures of us together? Or of me there, in Triple Oak? I’m sorry to hound you I just, would like a visual. It would help me…cope.”

The only photo Duncan ever had of them together on his phone was of them kissing. He’d deleted the video from Will’s phone a while ago but before he did he took a photo of it paused on them with his flip phone and even that was blurry and almost unintelligible. He’d deleted that too. 

“I don’t, I’m sorry.” Duncan said. He didn’t want to tell Will what they used to be. He didn’t want to freak him out or force him to be with him. He’d always known he’d fly away, but he figured it’d be of his own volition.

“I believe you,” Will said. “Even if I can’t see it, I believe you. This um…” he rubbed the back of his own shoulder. “This is going to sound really…ah…it feels good to be near you. Your presence calms me, strangely.” He smiled. “It did in my dream and it’s the same with you right here.”

Duncan’s heart swelled. He was in his brain somewhere.

“Are you headed back to where you live?”

Duncan’s heart fell just as fast as it’d risen.

_Where I live?_

  
“I don’t know yet…”

“They said I’m free to go in another week,” Will said. “When I get out of here I was thinking about staying here. It’s all I know.”

_You know me._

“The last memory I had before this I was sleeping in bed with my girlfriend, surrounded by our seven dogs and I wake up with a bump on my head feeling like not even a day has passed and it’s been years and she’s married and I apparently live multiple states away. It’s all very...very disorienting.” He picked at his blanket. “I need to find my footing.”

Duncan remembered the last real life conversation they had before the accident. Will was talking about them moving in together, that would never happen now.

“I brought you here to thank you,” Will said. “I’m sorry I shouted last time. Thank you for saving me from that...man. I wish I could remember our friendship. I really do. You seem like a stand up guy. I wanted to say good-bye.”

Duncan closed his eyes willing himself not to cry. So this was it? Will was indeed going.

The old Will, the man Duncan was deeply in love with was dead, never again to surface.

Duncan thought maybe if he touched him he would remember.

Without thinking he placed his hand over the top of Will’s and cupped it gently, his thumb caressing the side of it softly. Will didn’t move his hand but accepted the touch. They made eye contact before Duncan was quickly breaking it, not wanting Will to see the tears in his eyes. Duncan had never been one to cry, ever, until Will came into his life. He’d cried more in the past week than he had accumulated ever before. Will made him weak and strong at the same time.

Duncan wanted to tell Will he would miss him, but he wasn’t confident he could say it without his voice breaking.

“We weren’t friends…were we?”

Duncan shook his head. “No.”

“More?”

He nodded.

“I’m sorry,” Will sighed. “I don’t remember.” His eyes began watering, not experiencing his own feelings for Duncan but rather empathizing profoundly in a way he never had before. “I’m so sorry.”

Duncan took in one last look of Will’s face before getting up and leaving the room.

He made it all the way outside of the hospital before he broke down.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are multiple chapters to come!! 
> 
> Please stay tuned and leave a comment about how you’re liking this series thus far, I would love more feedback!


	11. Chapter 11

Painfully vacant.

Without Will, Duncan felt as if a hole had been punched through his chest, the figurative aggressor ripping and tearing at his body until there was a gaping hole that could not be filled no matter what Duncan did to try and remedy it.

On the airplane home, Duncan’s good eye was still wet and swollen from his breakdown outside the hospital, during which flashbacks of happier times with Will flicked through his head like some kind of torturous photo album. There was their first meeting, their first sexual encounter, their first date, their first ‘I love you’, each one more painful than the last.

Leaning back against the first class seat he stared out the window filled with an agony beyond measure with the knowledge he was leaving Will behind there. He had no choice. Will had belonged with him only in sprit, not legality. They weren’t married and he had no photos to prove their alliance, there was no convincing Will to come with him. There was nothing Duncan could do but leave Will where he wanted to be.

He wanted to stay with him, maybe convince him to love him again, but no, being pathetic and begging and selfish wouldn’t be conducive to Will’s situation. Duncan loved him and if letting him go was the right thing for Will, the best for his mental health and well being then so be it. But it didn’t stop him from hating himself for letting Will down and allowing him to be hurt. Will was right, he had to stay where he felt comfortable and Duncan wasn’t a part of his world anymore, why would he have an allegiance to him of all people?

Upon reaching home Duncan saw Will’s ghost everywhere. In his kitchen cooking, on his bed where they saw each other last and on the floor in front of the fireplace weeping as Duncan made love to him. He hated it and yet it calmed him at the same time, it reminded him that Will once belonged to him and loved him and wanted him. Him. He had deserved none of it.

This happening to Will, Will forgetting who he was and erasing Duncan from his mind, that, that Duncan deserved. He and Will’s love had been too good to be true, he’d been waiting for it to crumble since day one. Now Will could be happier, not burdened with Duncan’s introvert attitude, with his baggage, with his damaged and dangerous mind. Duncan’s past defined him. He wasn’t good enough for happiness. He’d gotten a taste and it was ripped from him.

Duncan laid in bed for days at a time, the world moving around him like a time lapse video, the days meaningless. He was secluded, holed up in his cabin wanting to disappear while the days dragged on and his overthinking nature got the best of him. He wondered what Will was up to and if he was safe and taken care of. Duncan didn’t have to worry about anyone hurting him, at least he didn’t think so since the man in Baltimore had been arrested. He had Will’s phone number but he would never call it. Some days he was tempted to, just to hear his voicemail, hear the beautiful voice that haunted his dreams and memories. If he focused really hard he could hear Will saying ‘I love you’ for the first time, his voice soft to match his eyes. He turned to the side of the bed where Will had been kneeling when he said it last to his face, his mind creating a hologram for him. He reached out to stroke Will’s cheek and his hand passed right through him. He shut his good eye, and fell back asleep.

His night terrors took their tole on him, wracking him awake with flailing arms and a sweat drenched body nearly every night, tears streaming from his eye. His PTSD had always been bad but it had gotten worse with the stressors of late. He had nightmares of Will dying in dozens of ways, in ways he had killed people in the past on the job, he had dreams of Will crying for him and he couldn’t get to him or locate him, nightmares of never finding peace with his life after Will’s departure.

What if he was never okay again?

Duncan considered emailing Vivian back, her original message explaining everything that had happened. Duncan had skimmed it, not caring, still infuriated with her for letting this happen. He wanted to message her back asking for a one-off job, to take his mind off everything. Killing was the only thing he knew how to do, that and love Will Graham.

Perhaps Duncan could find someone new, he was rich after all. He could go into any club or bar and get anyone, male or female, use them for sex and companionship for a few hours. But even that felt like he was cheating on Will, which was silly. Will wasn’t with him anymore, why should he be worried about being intimate with someone else? Duncan didn’t want anyone else but he was yearning to fill the hole in his spirit even temporarily.

No, he could never.

It took a month into Will being gone before Duncan went to the bar attempting to fill the void. The bar was the one in town most popular for hook-ups, he had no doubt he’d find someone. He ordered drink after drink until he was stumbling over his own words and being cut off by the bartender. A man with curly hair sat on the stool a couple seats down from him. His face left much to be desired but he looked like Will enough from the back that Duncan was willing to overlook it.

“Hi,” Duncan grunted, drinking the last of his allotted whiskey.

“Hello,” the man said, he didn’t seem too interested, a flippant way about his reply.

“You want to go in the back?” Duncan said.

The man, who was much more muscular than Will and was clean-shaven stared at him and smiled.

He was handsome but his smile didn’t clutch at his heartstrings like Will’s did.

“You’re out of your league.”

This man was as close to Will as he was going to get. He was willing to give what he could and let his imagination do the rest. He opened his wallet and produced three one-hundred dollar bills and placed them on the bar top sliding them over to him.

“I’m not a prostitute,” he said.

“Now you are.”

—-

The back of the bar was a common place for people to go when they couldn’t make it home, too horny to drive or too inebriated, too impatient to make it all the way to a private residence. The man went willingly, pocketing the money and complimenting Duncan on how forward he was and how hot that was to him. Once they reached the back Duncan tried to kiss him but was quickly denied.

He turned the man around to face the wall and combed his fingers through the man’s brown curls that resembled his love’s. He ground his cock half hard against the man’s ass, through his denim. The man let out a grunt.

“Don’t make a sound,” Duncan said. He was trying to pretend he was Will and every sound the man made sounded nothing like him.

He continued rubbing off on the man and trying to kiss his neck, the man shrugged him away.

“Stop trying to kiss me, man,” he said.

Duncan stopped but continued grinding, the man made a whining sound.

“Shut up,” Duncan demanded. “SHUT UP!” He started crying and shoved at the man’s shoulder before leaving the man and walking away. He got into his car and sped home. The bar was a few miles from home, it was a miracle he made it there safely.

He ran to Will’s cabin, falling in the snow twice, too drunk to stand. He wasn’t thinking when he smashed the window with his bare hand to unlock the front door and let himself in, resulting in his hand being cut up and bleeding. He wrapped it in his shirt and let himself into the house that had stood abandoned until then. He ran immediately to Will’s bed before collapsing onto it, getting under the sheets fully clothed, his hand bleeding.

The bedding smelled like Will and although he wasn’t there the comforter wrapped around him felt like a long needed hug. He buried into it, closing his eyes and seeing Will’s face. Imagining he was curled up with him, his breath in his neck, his sleepy whines when Duncan would move away even slightly. He fell asleep with that image in his head, it brought the contentment that had left with Will’s physical presence.

—

The next day Duncan woke up at five in the afternoon, blood covering the sheets from his wounded hand. He lay awake in the bed for a while more before getting up and cleaning the place. Bandaging himself up and washing the sheets and the floorboards of his own blood and repairing the glass he had broken on the front door, humiliated for his loss of self control.

After he was finished at Will’s he retreated back to his own cabin and back into the arms of another bottle of whiskey. He had drank three fourths of the bottle by the time midnight came, a snow storm whirring about outside. He watched television, trying to focus on the sounds coming from the speakers and not the sounds in his head of Will muttering into the corner of his neck and cuddled up against him on his couch two months prior while the worst snow storm of winter rocked Triple Oak.

Will had sighed beautiful things in his ear that made Duncan weak. Will whispered about how wonderful Duncan was, how caring, how brave he was for trudging through the snow to his cabin in the middle of the storm because Will had called him worried.

Everywhere he looked, everything that happened, Duncan was reminded of Will. He wanted all of it to end. It was too painful. Would he ever find relief from the torture of the man he loved on his mind day in and day out with no way of receiving closure?

He fell asleep with the bottle in his lap and his seventh glass of drink in his hand.  
  
—-

Triple Oak, was a quiet town, but especially where Duncan lived. There were no shops, no houses (except for Will’s) around for miles. When it wasn’t storming the place was dead silent. So when Duncan heard the faint sound of an engine the next day he sat up and looked out the window to see a Black Jeep trudging through the snow toward Will’s house. He hopped up, spilling his bottle of liquor onto the ground where it shattered. He watched with bated breath as the car pulled up and stopped outside Will’s house. The door to the Jeep opened and a dog ran out and immediately began rolling in the snow.

Then Will got out of the car. Duncan’s heart constricted, having not seen him for what felt like forever. He looked good, happy. Will ran up to the dog and ruffled its fur playing with the animal rolling in the snow together and playing fetch with a nearby branch. 

_He’s home? He’s back home?_

Duncan wanted to go visit him straight away but held back from doing so just yet. He didn’t want to look desperate. Just then another door to the Jeep opened and a man stepped out, carrying a pack of luggage. Duncan watched as the man walked over to Will and kissed him.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This work will have either 13 or 14 chapters in total, I haven’t decided yet! 
> 
> Thank you so much again to everyone reading!!


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope y’all like this chapter. It was so difficult writing for Will, he’s such an enigma...such a shit to write for.

 

 

 

_You are neither friend nor foe, though I can’t seem to let you go._

_\- Gravity (Sara Bareilles)_

 

It was strange.

Watching Duncan walk away made Will immediately feel empty.

Will barely knew the man, his only interactions with him being shouting at him upon their first meeting and then having his hand held just then, being told they used to be together. Will remembered none of it. His empathetic tendencies had gotten the better of him, feeding off the man’s hurt and dismayed energy. He wiped the tears from his own eyes. What an odd way to feel about a stranger. He ignored the heaviness in his heart chalking it up to his own stupid brain that had always felt things just a little too deeply.

Will had always known he had an attraction to men but he’d never had the guts to act on it. The secret had been weighing him down for a huge part of his life. His longing to be intimate with a man ever prevalent and sometimes stronger and more magnetic than his feelings toward women. Being transported two years into the future with the knowledge that he had been in a relationship with a man was oddly reassuring and he felt proud for allowing himself to experiment with that long-repressed feeling.

Guilty.

Will felt awful for not remembering Duncan, the way he’d looked at him told a story louder than if he’d spoken it. They must have been very close, why else would the man have tears in his eyes over him? How long had they been together? What he’d told Duncan was true, his presence indeed calmed him but it wasn’t enough to warrant going back to Triple Oak. Sure his residence was there but he didn’t have any connection to that place except for real estate. His heart wasn’t there, it was here, about an hour away in Wolf Trap.

Alana was still the current object of his desire, even with the knowledge that she was married. She had been his what seemed like mere days ago and now she was married to someone else and had adopted a child. It was surreal and disturbing just how much had changed, if Will thought about it for too long he got nauseous.

The Doctors had described his kind of amnesia as Retrograde, in his case losing an entire two years of memories. He had been told his memories would never return, which made him feel like he’d been tossed into limbo, a rolling tide of darkness, he didn’t know which end was up. All he knew was what others told him.

He stayed in the hospital for a week after Duncan left to have more tests ran before he was discharged, given the assurance that he would be okay, just confused for a while more. His Doctor recommended that someone Will trusted collect him and Will immediately gave Alana’s name.

“I’m not sure that’s such a great idea,” the doctor said. “When she was here…when you shouted at her she got very…very angry.”

Will nodded, hating how he’d spoken to Alana. At the time he couldn’t help but feel betrayed. The words he’d used, the hurtful things he’d said were completely out of character for him.

“Can you please just try?” Will said, sat on the edge of his bed in clothing that wasn’t a hospital gown for the first time in two weeks. He’d been told by Alana during her original visit that he’d sold his old house in Wolf Trap so he had nowhere to stay. His cash had been taken from his wallet in the kidnapping, that he still knew very little about. He had to order a new debit card but first on the list was getting another form of identification which shouldn’t pose a problem but it would take some time.

The Doctor went to ring Alana and the discharge nurse entered the room to get him to sign papers. “What’s the payment?” Will said, bracing himself for the financial blow, knowing he wouldn’t be able to afford it.

“No payment,” the nurse smiled. “Duncan took care of it for you.”

 _Duncan_?

“I can’t accept that,” Will said. “Can you deny his payment?”

“He insisted.”

“Well I’m insisting otherwise. I can’t accept that kind of money,” Will sighed, covering his face and rubbing his eyes before dropping his hands. “How much was it?”

“A little over thirty-grand.”

Will’s jaw dropped slightly. “I cannot accept that.” He shook his head.

“He feels guilty,” the nurse said. “I’m sure it’s more for his own peace of mind.”

The Doctor entered the room again, interrupting them.

“Alana is on her way.”

—-

The drive to Alana’s house started off tense, Will was having trouble containing his snarky remarks at nearly everything Alana said, bitterness and jealousy still hanging over him. Alana spoke about her wife and her child to which Will scoffed.

“If you’re not going to be cordial I’ll drive you straight back to the hospital.” Alana cared about Will deeply and while she was still pissed at him she couldn’t allow him to roam the state alone and confused and penniless. “Is that understood?”

Will nodded, feeling a child reprimanded. He looked over at Alana while she drove, she looked beautiful, just as beautiful as she had been when they were together as if no time had passed at all. He wanted to hold her hand and was lost in thought imagining her allowing him to when Alana interrupted his thought.

“Margot is cooking dinner for us, I’m sure you’re excited to eat a home cooked meal after eating nothing but hospital food for a while.”

_I’d rather eat the hospital food._

“Sure,” he sighed staring out the window focusing on the scenery, not wanting to look at her anymore, it was too painful.

Alana told him how she’d moved to a town just outside of Wolf Trap wanting to stay more rural.

“How are the dogs?” Will said, continuing to look out the window. He was excited to see them. If anything good came from the situation it would be seeing his dogs again.

Alana was silent for a second too long. Will faced her, she was visibly nervous.

“What?” Will said, being able to gauge Alana’s change in mood easily.

“I sold them,” she said, her voice small. “I gave them out to different owners almost right after you left, I had no choice.”

“You sold my dogs?” Will said, animosity lacing his raised voice. “My fucking dogs?”

“Be quiet,” she hissed. “You’re going to wake him up,” she gestured at the backseat where an eighteen-month old baby boy was sleeping in his car seat.

“I had no choice,” she said. “Margot’s brother kicked her out of the family, dirt broke, we couldn’t afford to care for them anymore.”

_I can’t believe this._

Will pressed two of his fingers on either side of the top of his nose with his eyes closed, a headache forming.

“Did I know this already? Did you ever call me?”

“I never did. No. I didn’t think you’d ever return and we weren’t exactly on speaking terms at the time.”

“How’d we do it? What broke us up?” Will needed to know.

She sighed. “It started with you working…a lot. Picking up extra lecture times to keep yourself busy and I took offense thinking you were doing it to avoid spending time at home with me. Our sex had gotten…well, what sex?” She let out a dry laugh. “Even when we had it you weren’t present. It was like you were in another room entirely. We started fighting a lot. I lost all romantic feelings for you and you for me, so by the time you admitted to me you wanted to leave and experiment with other facets of your life and sexuality I wasn’t bothered. I was hurt, because I wanted us to fix things, I wanted us to work, badly, Will.”

She looked like she had tears in her eyes, reminiscing.

“But neither of our hearts were truly in it. I moved out, we remained friends but we never truly forgave each other. Your job started taking a toll on you mentally so you quit, started your buisness, kept to yourself for a long time. And one day you snapped and phoned me up and asked me and Margot to take the dogs and you skipped state to one of the most remote parts of the country that you could. You ran away from your problems, Will. You did something a lot of us wished we could. But, and don’t take this the wrong way, I’m glad you did what you did. If you hadn’t I never would’ve met Margot, I never would’ve gotten him,” she gestured to the baby in the back seat. “Everything happens for a reason. You have to remember that.”

“So getting kidnapped, almost murdered, and losing my memory happened for a reason?” Will said. “I sincerely doubt that.” He scoffed. Alana’s mouth pressed into a hard line trying to keep from fanning the fire and starting another argument. Will could hear his own negativity coming out but he couldn’t contain it. This was all just so weird. Hearing a story about his own life that he didn’t remember living was an out of body experience.

Minutes passed before Will spoke again.

“I’m sorry,” Will said. “I’m sorry I put you through that.”

She looked over at him, surprised to hear the apology he must’ve never given.

“You needed to do what was right for you. It took time but I got over it.”

—

Margot was nice enough, greeting Will with a smile and a handshake upon arrival. Of course Will had met her before but he had no recollection of it. He had trouble warming up to her at first, knowing she was the person who currently held Alana’s heart. Will could sense his feelings for Alana slipping, the story in the car had aided in helping him realize they weren’t compatible or good for each other anymore and what was meant to happen did.

Their house was tiny and cozy, only a few miles from Will’s old house. Their son Morgan woke up right before dinner was served, eyeing Will from his spot on the living room floor playing with his toy cars. Will waved, giving him a warm smile. Morgan got up and toddled over to him raising his arms asking for help to be lifted onto the couch. The baby was perfectly capable of doing it himself but he wanted Will’s help. Will obliged pulling the little boy onto his lap.

“What’s this?” Will cooed, accepting the red toy car from Morgan.

“Car,” the baby said.

“Is this for me?” The little brown haired boy nodded. 

“But this is yours,” Will explained, “I don’t don’t want to take your toy from you.”

Morgan pointed to the bucket on the floor full of cars. “Lot!”

“Yeah you do have a lot of cars. Okay I’ll keep this one, thank you.”

Morgan laid his head on Will’s chest and hugged him. Will hesitated before hugged him back petting the boy’s soft hair. He looked up as Alana came to announce dinner and their eyes met. She leaned against the doorway and smiled meekly. It took a moment of mourning his own future with Alana before he was reminding himself their breakup was no accident. This little boy was proof of that. Alana was never meant to be his. He could let her go now.

—-

That night Will was set up to sleep on the couch. Margot and Alana had offered him their bed but he refused. As soon as he was able to get his banking back up he would be out of their hair and into a hotel. He didn’t mind sleeping on the couch, it was a step up from the sterile and uncomfortable hospital bed he’d spent so long in.

Like anyone would, the moment Will’s head hit the pillow he started overthinking. Where was he going? What was his goal in life now that he’d lost everything? Alana had told him over dinner that he’d started a carpentry business before moving to Montana but he didn’t remember learning the skills required for that job, it must’ve been in that two year window. Selling his home in Triple Oak was the obvious next step. He decided that’s what he would do, sell the house and buy a place somewhere new. Starting over yet again was the most logical thing he could imagine. A new trade, a new house, a new life. He fell asleep with that fantasy on a loop in his mind.

—-

“Will?”

Will spun around but he couldn’t locate the voice, the room he was in huge and dark, stretching out in infinite directions. “Will?”

He turned around again. The voice was deep but gentle, the sound of it soothing. Something deep inside him wanted nothing more than to find the person whom it belonged to.

He couldn’t place it.

He felt breath on the back of his neck

“Will?” The voice whispered.

He startled and woke himself up breathing heavy. His eyes adjusted and landed on the digital clock on the cable box reading three-forty-two. He closed his eyes again trying to get a grip on his hyperventilation, breathing slowly and counting back from fifteen. The dream had faded leaving nothing behind, he didn’t remember the content but the overwhelming sense of longing and a strange calm lingered. The feeling was ominous but prevalent telling him he was safe and welcome and desired. He felt at peace, quickly falling back asleep.

—-

It took a few days to get his identification and back into his banking and in that time Will bonded with little Morgan, spending his days watching him while Alana was at work and Margot ran errands. Alana had told Will a story over dinner one night about how when Morgan was younger after he and Margot had first adopted him Will visited once and the baby would cry whenever Will put him down or passed him off. He guessed the bond never really ended. 

Each day he watched Morgan the baby introduced Will to his room showing him his Polly Pocket collection and his GI Joe and Teddy Ruxpin. Being around Alana and Margot’s son took his mind off the heavier things he had going on in his life.

As soon as Will got access to his money again he was out of their hair booking a room at a hotel. He hugged them all goodbye, thanking Alana graciously and giving little Morgan the biggest hug of all. He promised to visit again soon. Will was on a mission of self discovery. He decided to start by visiting his dogs one by one, Alana still had all the addresses of the people she sold his dogs to and gave him a list.

  
Over the next few days he visited with six of his dogs for a while at their new respective homes  
accepting a cup of tea or a light snack or even lunch from the owner, it was nice seeing them again even if he mourned them being his.

Upon reaching the last home, the home of Winston’s new owner he was exhausted, mentally and socially drained but his excitement of seeing his favorite dog trumped that. A tall man answered the door, he had perfectly trimmed facial hair and a big smile.

“Hey, you must be Winston’s old owner,” he said. “I’m Jonathan.” He held out his hand.

Will graciously accepted the handshake.

“Come on in,” Jonathan said. “I wasn’t sure you’d find the house, we’re pretty well hidden back here.” He wore a pair of jeans that hung at his hips and plain white t-shirt.

Will had expected a handsome guy on the phone but he wasn’t expecting him to be as attractive as he was. The house was massive and furnished in a beautiful way that screamed upper-class with big glass windows, the living room alone was bigger than Alana’s house.

“Winston is out back,” he went to the sliding glass door. “C’mon, boy. Come see who’s here!”

Will heard the scampering of paws on the ground and Winston ran into the house and immediately over to him and started jumping on him and whining. Will’s smile was the widest it had been since his accident, kneeling down and accepting Winston’s affections and licks. “Hey, buddy! Hey!” He ruffled his fur. “Have you been a good boy? I’ve missed you!” He felt tears coming to his eyes, but he suppressed them.

The man stood smiling watching the two reunite. “He’s a good dog.”

“He is,” Will agreed. “The best. I’m glad you’re taking such good care of him. He looks happy.”

He and Jonathan made eye contact for a second too long. “Would you like dinner?” Jonathan changed the subject. “We’d love for you to stay and have dinner with us, huh, Winston?” Winston barked.

“I’d love to, thank you.”

—

Will took notice of Jonathan’s lack of a wedding ring when he handed him his glass of wine.

“So what do you do?” Will said.

“For work? Or play?”

“Let’s start with work.”

“I’m a surgeon,” Jonathan smiled sitting down at the table with him, Winston was curled up on the dining room floor at Will’s feet. Will began cutting into his steak. “Plastic surgery.”

“Wow,” Will said, “How long did you go to school for that?”

“A while,” Jonathan laughed, Will liked his smile. “What do you do?”

“Not much right now, just going around to visit my dogs until I get back on my feet.”

“What happened?” Jonathan said. “Oh shit, sorry, that was impolite. It’s none of my business.”

“No no it’s okay,” Will said. “I was kidnapped.”

“No shit?”

“Yeah,” Will laughed. “And I acquired a beautiful head injury in the process,” he said biting at a tiny piece of steak on his fork. “I don’t remember the past two years.”

“Damn,” Jonathan said. “That must be hard.”

“Yeah…”

“Where are you staying?”

“A hotel in town.”

“Well you’re more than welcome to stay here. I have a guest room.”

“No no I couldn’t impose.”

“I insist. I think Winston would insist too.”

Will nodded. “Okay.”

—

Jonathan was at work during the day which left Will with full reign over the house. He and Winston played out back most of the time when Will wasn’t busy looking for work. He’d called up a relator to inquire how much his cabin in Triple Oak was worth and told them he would keep them in close contact, he wasn’t one-hundred-percent sure if that’s what he wanted to do just yet.

Will found Jonathan attractive, that much was blatantly obvious and he had a feeling Jonathan returned the sentiment but he wasn’t going to push it. If anything he would let it grow organically. He had the yearning to get back to financial stability so he wouldn’t have to put Jonathan out too much, not wanting to overstay his welcome.

Jonathan would come home around nine in the evening every night and immediately begin making a late dinner. Will offered to cook for him but Jonathan refused for him to. “You’re the guest,” he would smile.

“You’ve been working all day.” Will stood behind him at the stove.

“I have…working, this isn’t a chore I promise you. It’s something I enjoy doing, it’s relaxing to me.” He turned around and kissed the side of Will’s forehead. Will startled from the kiss, not expecting it but not minding it in the least.

“I’m sorry,” Jonathan said, his face dropping concerned he’d just crossed a line. “I thought you were…”

“I am,” Will said. “I am. I just…” he shook his head. “I don’t remember ever…”

“You don’t have to tell me, it’s okay,” Jonathan’s voice was soft and understanding.

“No no I need to,” Will said. “I’d uh…only ever slept with women and was with women, at least before I knocked my head.” He smiled sadly. “Apparently all my experimentation was during the two years I lost and don’t remember,” he laughed dryly. “I don’t remember anything of it.” He had closed in on himself while he spoke, nervous for Jonathan’s reaction.

Jonathan tapped the spoon he’d been stirring the sauce with on the side of the pan and placed it down on a towel. He turned to Will, wrapping his arms around the bottom of Will’s back. Will shivered at the touch. “I can teach you again,” he whispered. “If you want me to?”

It felt wrong to have the man’s hands on him, an ominous voice in the back of his head telling him he was being unfaithful. Will looked into Jonathan’s eyes. He wanted him to. He really did. But it didn’t feel right. Duncan’s face flashed in his mind and he shook his head, staring past Jonathan not knowing why the near stranger was entering the forefront of his conscious mind at such a time.

“Not tonight,” Will said.

“Okay,” Jonathan said nodding and stepping back. “Take all the time you need.”

  
—

That night in bed Will was tossing and turning in his guest room bed not able to fall asleep. His mind was far too busy. Remembering that moment in the kitchen when Jonathan was propositioning him, why had Duncan popped into his head? Just how close had he and Duncan been? Was it just a fling or was it something more? He remembered his dream of Duncan in the hospital how they’d been fishing and how calm it made him feel. Duncan’s presence made him feel unlike anything he’d ever felt before, the sense of ease it brought him, the tangible relaxation even the man’s voice filled him with. Nothing romantic had happened in his dream, they’d just been sitting together, their lines dropped in the lake, but there was something about the way Duncan looked at him in the dream that set his soul on fire.

Duncan had paid so much for his hospital visit and had started crying when Will was telling him goodbye. Will felt awful like a stab to the gut to think that Duncan may now hate him for abandoning their relationship, however serious it had been. He hadn’t meant to hurt Duncan, he only needed to do what was right for himself. He hoped one day Duncan would forgive him. He wasn’t sure if he would ever see the man again, if he decided to sell the house in Triple Oak he could sell it without ever returning, but he still wasn’t sure. He thought about facing Duncan again and the thought terrified him, anxiety bubbling in his chest like multiple balloons pushing against his rib cage without room to grow.

Subconsciously Will grabbed the nearest pillow and maneuvered it longways wrapping his arm around it and resting his head on top imagining it was a man. He tried to fight it but he found solace in pretending it was Duncan. He remembered his smell, how he’d looked in his hospital room holding his hand. He must’ve meant so much to him. He pressed his face into the pillow and began to cry silently, the tears streaming remembering again the way Duncan had looked at him, so hurt, heartsick, hollow. The electricity that had shot through him when Duncan had touched his hand had gone ignored until then, being pushed to the side under more extreme circumstances. Maybe his heart still wanted him after everything. His brain didn’t remember but his spirit and his skin never lost the spark.

He fell asleep imagining Duncan’s chest rising and falling beneath his head, he didn’t know for sure but he swore that was a real memory, something that had once happened. He wiped his eyes dry and cuddled the pillow closer. He imagined Duncan’s lips on his forehead kissing him softly there, and running fingers through his hair. It didn’t take long before Will fell asleep.

—

Will startled awake, covered in sweat and thrashing. He had the remnant of a scream on his lips. He hadn’t remembered his nightmare but he remembered the feeling of loss, and death, his heart was pounding hard. He looked around in the pitch black room still not convinced he was awake. The bedroom door opened and the bed dipped and he was pulled back against a man and being held tight, his breath hard and hyperventilating, clutching the man’s arm wrapped around him for support.

“It’s okay,” Jonathan’s voice was in his ear. “It’s okay, I’m here.”

But it wasn’t who Will wanted. It wasn’t. But he clung to him just the same, imagining it was.

“Slow your breath,” Jonathan sighed. “Shh,” he moved the sweat-dampened hair out of Will’s eyes, spooning him from behind, he blew cold breath on Will’s neck.

“You’re here with me. You’re safe.”

Will shook his head gently, he wasn’t who he wanted at all, this felt so wrong. He leaned into Jonathan and allowed himself to be coddled and nursed, Duncan’s face in his head all the while until he was falling back asleep.

—

Will awoke the next morning with Jonathan still wrapped around him which was odd, he should’ve been at work at that hour. He nudged the man awake, with the vague memory of having a nightmare and of Jonathan comforting him last night.

“Hey,” Jonathan said with a sleepy smile. “I called-in a few hours ago, I wanted to make sure you were okay,” his palm met Will’s cheek, his thumb caressing him. “How are you?”

“Teach me,” Will said.

“What?”

“I want you to teach me.”

“Yeah?”

Will nodded turning to face him. “Yeah,” he leaned in and kissed him.

—

Over the next couple weeks Will and Jonathan’s relationship flourished, but for Will it never got past the surface of mild-crush and lust. They kissed a lot, laughed plenty, but it didn’t feel right. Will enjoyed Jonathan’s company and they got along very well, their personalities meshing easily, but there was no inferno of passion, at least on his side. There was always something missing.

Jonathan taught him everything he knew over that time and it was all incredibly satisfying, at least physically. Being with a man was everything Will had ever imagined and his body surprised him by remembering what to do in certain situations. Jonathan was very attentive and sweet with him and Will was always present in the moment but every time as soon as the walls came crashing down on him from all sides and he shut his eyes, it wasn’t Jonathan’s face he saw. Once it was over and Jonathan would pull him into his arms, kissing his face and speaking softly of how well he did Will couldn’t help but disappear, like he was somewhere else entirely.

Will had moved into Jonathan’s room and shared his bed but when their breaths slowed and it was time for sleep Will would roll over and hold his pillow, the very same that he’d brought from the guest room. Jonathan would try to spoon with him but Will would shrug him off with the excuse that he got hot in his sleep. Burrowing his face in the pillow and slipping into his secret fantasy of a memory he wasn’t sure truly existed.

He hated not being able to give Jonathan the attention he deserved, he was such a sweet guy with such a big giving heart. But he wasn’t for him. Will was holding him back from loving someone else, someone who could give him more than he ever could.

“I’m moving to Seattle,” Jonathan told him at breakfast one day.

Will poured himself some coffee and leaned against the kitchen island.

“I got a job at a hospital there. Are you uh…are you coming with me?” Jonathan looked up at him nervously following him with his eyes as Will sat down at the dining table. Winston immediately found Will’s lap to lay his head on. Will scratched behind his ears and took a sip of his coffee. “My apartment there won’t be ready for a few more weeks but…”

Will could sense Jonathan had fallen in love with him and Will liked him a lot, he wished he could give him his heart but it didn’t belong to him. He’d given his heart away a long time ago and never fully got it back. He didn’t remember doing so, but the empty ache in his heart was prevalent. It was another sense, his mind had nothing do with it.

“I was thinking I would go back to Triple Oak, actually. This week.”

“Are you going to sell the house?”

“I don’t think so,” he shook his head. Jonathan looked visibly saddened, poking his fork at his eggs but not taking a bite.

“So you’re staying there?”

“Maybe,” he took another sip of coffee. “I’d like you to come with me,” he placed his hand over Jonathan’s. “Take your time off. Spend those couple weeks with me up there, then the move won’t be that much since you’ll only be a state away.”

“So this is the end for us?” Jonathan swallowed.

“I’m sorry.”

“Is it something I did?”

“No.” It truly wasn’t.

“Who is Duncan?”

Will sat back. “What?”

“You spoke his name in your sleep last night. I woke up to get a glass of water and when I came back to the bed you were sighing his name. Who is he?” Jonathan didn’t seem mad but curious, sadness building in his eyes.

“Apparently we used to be together,” Will said. “I don’t know much of him.” And yet he couldn’t get him off his mind, his ghostly companion. He changed the subject not comfortable speaking about him out loud.

—-

Will hadn’t acquired much to put in a suitcase by the time it was ready to fly to Triple Oak with Jonathan so they shared one bag. All Jonathan’s belongings were boxed and a moving truck would be collecting them and meeting Jonathan at his new apartment in Seattle in a couple weeks.

They held hands on the plane, and Jonathan would kiss and assured Will that Winston would be okay in his kennel. He hated transporting him so far and it was making him shaky. Jonathan was very good at calming him, always knowing exactly what to say. He would miss that.

Upon touchdown Will was anxious to get to the baggage-claim and get Winston, he nearly ran through the airport to find him while Jonathan headed to the rental car place to get the ball rolling there.

“Hey, sweetheart, are you okay? You okay?” Will said opening the kennel as Winston jumped into his arms attacking him with fluff. He kissed the top of Winston’s head and leashed him heading to find Jonathan.

Will put the address of his house into the GPS and insisted driving.

“Are you sure? You don’t want to look at the scenery?”

“I need to do this,” Will said giving Jonathan a kiss. Will had no idea what to expect, having no memory of the house or what it looked like, where it was, nothing. He wanted to experience it in the best way possible and that was to drive himself.

“Wow,” Jonathan said thirty minutes into their drive, “this place is in the middle of nowhere huh?” Will crossed an icy bridge. “Careful, babe,” Jonathan said.

Will wasn’t listening to him but was focusing on his surroundings, excited to get there. The GPS said they were three minutes away. His nerves started hitting him and he held his breath when he cleared the trees and turned the corner on the bank of a lake to see two cabins on opposite sides of the water from each other separated by a small walking bridge and a lot of snow.

His heart clenched looking at Duncan’s cabin first.

“Wow there are two cabins?” Jonathan said. “I wonder who lives in the other one?”

Will wished Jonathan would just shut up.

He drove up to his own cabin, where the GPS led him.

“Holy porch!” Jonathan laughed. “Look at that, it’s massive!”

Will stopped the car and opened the door, Winston immediately bolted out and into the snow. Will got out next running after him and ruffling his fur, playing fetch with a nearby branch. Waiting for Winston to return with the stick he looked sideways over at Duncan’s cabin. He wondered if he was home. He saw a car in the driveway. Jonathan came up behind him and turned his face to him laying a kiss on him. Will kissed back but it didn’t warm his toes, it had all started feeling more and more robotic lately. As soon as he pulled back he glanced back at Duncan’s cabin for a moment more.

“I wonder who lives there? Do you know?”

Will cocked his eyebrow at him and shrugged, laughing. Feigning ignorance with the cover of his amnesia.

“Oh duh,” Jonathan laughed too. “Forgot you took a bump on the noggin,” he kissed Will’s forehead.

“Let’s go inside,” Will said pulling Jonathan with him. “I hope I have hot cocoa.”

He’d met his original realtor outside of town and gotten a new key.

“C’mon, boy,” Jonathan called Winston who was busy chasing a squirrel.

“Let him play,” Will said. “He’s been cooped up for hours.”

—

During Jonathan and Will’s last weeks together they spent it cooped up, playing with Winston, eating breakfast on the front porch, exploring the tiny town of Triple Oak. Will was pleasantly surprised by how big and luxurious his house was, searching the place first for any clues to his life, anything that would help him realize who he had become. He had found a few books and films on his dresser he was keen on getting reacquainted with and lube in the bedside drawer, the bottle half empty. In this car he’d gotten back from the airport impound he found CDs he’d never listened to.

For the first three mornings before Jonathan woke up Will would go out and sit on the porch with a hot cup of coffee and a beanie securely around his head and stare across the lake watching Duncan’s house for signs of movement, for lights, for his car to move, anything. Nothing. He began to wonder if anyone even lived there anymore. That thought scared him.

On the fourth day he and Jonathan came home from a dinner date and saw Duncan’s car was gone, Will’s stomach did a flip. The next morning Will was woken by the sound of an engine. He snuck out of bed and ran to the window. He saw a shadowed figure make its way from the car to the cabin, his heart pounding in his chest the whole time.

Jonathan and Will’s last night together came far too quickly. They had sex knowing it would be their last time. Jonathan treated him with care and Will gave him his undying attention, it was the least he could do. Afterwards Will acquiesced to cuddle, listening to Jonathan’s heartbeat against his rib cage. He would forever be grateful for everything Jonathan had done for him, he would miss him. He held no animosity toward him, only adoration. He hoped Jonathan would find someone in Seattle, he was sure he would, he was too good of a man not to.

“Do you want to keep Winston here?” Jonathan said softly, running his fingers up and down Will’s back.

Will turned to look at him. “He’s yours.”

“He loves it here and he will miss you. My new place is too small, anyway. I couldn’t take a dog away from this. It’s beautiful here. He can run and play all he wants.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah.”

Will kissed him.

Jonathan caressed his thumb on Will’s face. “Do you think you’ll ever come to Seattle?”

Will hesitated before shaking his head softly.

—-

Will saw Jonathan off the next morning. He was truly sad to see him go. Jonathan was sat in his rental with the door open when Will leaned in to kiss him. “Thank you,” he whispered against his lips. “For everything.”

Tears began forming in Jonathan’s eyes and he nodded. “You’ll always be welcome in Seattle if you decide you want to come.” Will could tell Jonathan wanted to say more but was holding back.

Will nodded.

“Bye,” Jonathan said, his voice sad.

“Bye.”

He drove off.

The second his car cleared the trees Will started toward Duncan’s cabin, if he didn’t do it right then he wouldn’t have had the courage to.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only two more chapters left!!
> 
> Jonathan is an OC but I imagined him looking like Richard Armitage


	13. Chapter 13

Duncan’s heart dropped to his gut.

He’d been so elated seeing Will had returned, that brief moment of sheer happiness before the other man had exited the car. Seeing Will with someone new, someone that wasn’t himself, was a stab directly to his jugular vein, bleeding out all his optimism that they would someday be together again.

Duncan had truly lost him, any hope for reconciliation had now been stomped into the snow with an iron boot. He had turned away from the window the very moment their lips met, wanting nothing more than to pour bleach directly into his own brain to scrub that image away. How hard did he need to hit his own head to create his own amnesia?

But no, even with Will’s newfound love Duncan never wanted to forget him. His memories of Will, no matter how painful still blanketed him with a sense of calm. One day he would be over him. One day. He told himself what was meant to happen did. A farce, but one he was dead set to convince himself of. He’d wanted someone good for Will who could give him what he could never muster. If it wasn’t him, at least there was someone loving Will. He deserved it.

Duncan was never worthy of him.

Duncan headed immediately to the shower, the one place that always soothed him even as a child. He made the water hot, not hot enough to scorch flesh but a comfortable temperature that still stung. His eye had healed a great amount, almost completely, but he still needed to wear his eyepatch during bathing to avoid exacerbating the injury. Duncan got into the tub and stood directly under the stream, the water hit the top of his head and he stood like that for minutes willing himself not to cry, to no avail. His tears blended in with the water cascading down his face. He tried pretending they weren’t there but they burned even more than the water did on his skin.

Exiting the shower nearly an hour later after cleaning himself thoroughly he stepped out determined to start his life anew, it would take time of course but the figurative cleansing of his body and mind was the first step toward finding happiness again. His optimism was valiant but he knew deep down he would never get over Will.

—-

Every morning Duncan would watch through the window out of the slit of his bedroom curtain as Will and the other man would eat breakfast on the porch. It was far away but Duncan could still make out Will’s smile as the man obviously told a joke. Will’s smile could span miles.

Duncan found himself wishing it was him that made Will smile like that.

Will’s physical proximity made him happy. His brain was no longer being wracked with wonder of if Will was okay. He was home and he was seemingly just fine. Duncan could keep his eye on him now.

Duncan reminded himself that Will knew he lived in the cabin across the lake and if he wanted to visit he could. But he never did.

_He must hate me._

The more Duncan watched him, the more Duncan longed to hold him. To kiss his forehead, to lay his hand on his chest and feel Will’s heart, his breath, to see the eyes that once looked at him with such adoration and compassion.

Every day since Will slipped from him, Duncan had lamented their old love.

Even more so seeing Will happy with another man.

Duncan got out of the house one night to go back to the same bar he’d fled the previous week. He considered finding someone, this time one that didn’t look like Will, and start slow, build something new with a whole new person, but nobody caught his eye. He sat there for hours but once the bar closed he went out and walked around town until nearly sunrise, unwelcome memories of Will once again bashing into his skull before heading back to his cabin.

—-

Another week passed and Will never came. Duncan began to think he never would. And he would never impose on Will’s life, never wanting to disturb him or throw Will into a negative mindset that his face was sure to cause. Duncan was convinced they would continue their lives in their respective cabins, never again speaking a word to one another.

Duncan continued dreaming and daydreaming of him, every single day, something he knew he would never fully cease to do. He found himself thinking it was okay if Will hated him, at least that meant he would stay away and be safe. Away from the possibility of getting hurt.

—-  
  
Duncan was fast asleep, holding a pillow to his side, his arm wrapped around it with his face nuzzled into it as the sun began streaming through the sides of his bedroom curtain. An hour of rest later Duncan awoke to the sound of knocking on the front door.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don’t be mad!!! This was a short chapter just to show what Duncan was up to in the two weeks that Will was at the cabin with Jonathan. 
> 
> The playlist song for this chapter is Happier by Ed Sheeran 
> 
> One more chapter, coming soon! 
> 
> It will be the longest yet.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to everyone who read this story. It gradually developed over time but the seed of it started after seeing Polar the very first time on January 25th, 2019. I can’t believe a little over two months later I’ve written a 14, technically 15 part story about these two men. I’ve fallen in love with their love and I hope you have too.

 

 

 

 

 

_If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it was meant for you all along._

 

  
The sound of knocking on the front door interrupted a beautiful dream Duncan had been having. In the dream he and Will had been sitting on his front porch together enjoying breakfast, just as Will’s new boyfriend had been doing with him the past couple weeks. The normalcy, the domesticity, the smile he put on Will’s face with every stupid joke he made created a tornado of the perfect life. He could stay there forever in that little slice of heaven.

The twisting and waning of the sides of dream, around his little cabin went ignored. They were stuck in the cyclone, trees falling around them, but inside they were safe. They were the only things that mattered, as long as they were together. The circular waves were silent but they blew Will’s hair and Duncan’s own in front of his face but their eyes never left one another’s. Will reached his hand out to hold his and while it was his brain playing tricks on him he felt the shock of electricity pass through his skin, the man he loved, touching him…

The dream dissipated and reality faded in, the sound of rapping on the front door of his cabin ripping the dream from his head little by little with every knock until it was forgotten.

Duncan groaned and sat up on the side of the bed, stretching his arms across his chest one by one, his grey sweater pulling at the motion, his good eye still closed. He reached for his eyepatch on the bedside table and slid it on blindly before covering his mouth with a yawn.

Knocking started again.

_Who the hell?_

He grunted standing up and beginning to pad toward the front door, his pajama bottoms dragging the ground. Normally Duncan was smart enough to peek through the peep hole before opening his door but the fatigue made his brain foggy. He unbolted the door and opened it.

Duncan stood frozen for a moment staring at the man on his doorstep.

_Will?_

He snapped out of exhaustion, suddenly alert.

Will smiled meekly, the same smile he’d given him during their last meeting over a month ago in the hospital.

“Hey,” Will said, his voice and face soft.

“Hi,” Duncan said, curious of why he was there but on the same token happy he was. He’d missed his voice, he had almost forgotten what it sounded like. A simple word, a small greeting, radiated warmth to his toes.

They stood looking at each other for a moment.

“It’s pretty cold out here,” Will said with a cock of his brow rocking back and forth, tugging his beanie further down onto his ears.

“Shit. Sorry,” Duncan said. “Come in.”

“Thanks.”

Watching Will cross the threshold into his home stirred an unexpected emotion in Duncan’s belly, an image he never thought he would see again. What he would’ve given to be able to hold him again, greet him the way he used to with an embrace and kiss. He stomped that desire out of his head as best he could and put on a platonic act.

“Would you like some coffee?” Duncan said shutting the door and walking across his cabin to the tiny kitchen in the corner.

“Please.”

“How, um, how is everything?” Duncan asked while he busied himself with his coffee machine. The tension was thick and Duncan wasn’t sure what to say but anything was better than silence. Silence made his mind wander to fantasizing about romantic gestures.

“It’s good,” Will said tugging his beanie off and ruffling his hair. “I got my old dog back.”

“I saw,” Duncan said, gritting his teeth hating to have just admitted to have been watching him even a tiny bit.

“What’s their name?”

“Winston.”

“Your favorite dog, that’s wonderful!” Duncan immediately kicked himself in the ass. Would he ever learn to shut up?

“I said that to you once, I presume?” Will chuckled.

“Yeah,” Duncan said. “You did.” He gave the coffee machine a sad smile out of Will’s sight.

He poured he and Will’s coffee and made Will’s exactly how he used to take it; a dash of milk and three spoons of sugar. He placed the mugs on the table and Will clung to his immediately, warming his hands.

“It’s strange,” Will said. “Having someone who knows so much about you and you know next to nothing about them.” He took a deep sip of his coffee. “It’s perfect, thank you.”

Duncan had sat down at the dining table opposite him. “You’re very welcome.” He swigged half of his black coffee in one pull.

“How is your boyfriend?”

Will took another sip of drink and sat back against the wooden chair before answering.

“What boyfriend?”

“That guy,” Duncan said, fiddling with the handle of his mug.

“He’s not my boyfriend,” Will said.

“You both seem pretty cozy.”

“Have you been watching me?” Will’s eyes sparkled, not accusing but finding it amusing.

Duncan kept his eye on his coffee.

Silence stayed for a while before Will broke it, feeding off Duncan’s saddened energy.

“He left, Duncan.”

“For a few hours?”

“No,” Will said. “For good.”

They made eye contact again.

“He wanted me to come with him, to Seattle. But I told him I didn’t want that. I wanted to stay here. Something brought me back here, and something…something was telling me to stay.”

Duncan’s breath caught in his throat, their eyes meeting again.

“You,” Will said.

“But you didn’t remem…”

“No,” Will said. “I still don’t. I don’t remember a damn thing.” He covered his face with his hands for a moment dragging them down and plopping them back into his lap. “Have you ever…Duncan…” he shifted forward in his chair. “Have you ever had a feeling kind of like Déjà vu, where you have a strong pull to a place but you’ve never actually been there? I have that when I’m in this house.” He gestured to the room. “I have that when I look at you. I had that the entire last month. Laying in bed at night, I didn’t know…I still don’t…know why your face was all I could see. This stranger by all accounts was in my head and I didn’t understand why. And sitting with you now, it feels so…right.”

Duncan’s mind was racing, his heart clenching, his eye threatening to spill over with tears as he listened to Will’s words. Surely he was still dreaming.

“How close were we?” Will said. Over the past month that question had been one weighing on Will’s mind. He needed to know.

“We,” Duncan’s voice was croaky, he cleared his throat. “We were…in love.”

Will inhaled deeply.

“I’m so sorry,” Will said. “I’m sorry I left you. You were all alone, you…” his voice broke. He sat for a moment and wiped a tear from his eye and covered his face. “I’m sorry,” he sighed behind his hands. “I should’ve come back here with you. I didn’t know.”

Duncan wasn’t sure what to do, he wanted to go to Will and hold him. He hated seeing him cry but he was afraid if he held him he wouldn’t be able to let go. “Don’t apologize. I was…I am okay.” He lied. “You needed to do what you needed to do. I assume you got your closure there?”

“I feel awful,” Will said, dropping his hands again. “You loved me and I abandoned you. I just…left. I can’t imagine…I cannot imagine how that feels. God, you must hate me.”

“I could never hate you,” Duncan said. “Will, I don’t hate you.” He reached out to hold Will’s hand, his hand cupped on top of Will’s closed fist, the moment his hand touched his Will’s opened up and held him back, their fingers lacing together. The electricity was still there, ever prevalent. Their eyes met.

“When you held my hand in the hospital…” Will said. “It felt exactly like this,” he ran his thumb across Duncan’s hand. “Like my body knew, when my brain didn’t. I still don’t know. I don’t know anything. All I know is that I crave you.”

“Will…” Duncan sighed. He was still not believing this was happening. Positive he would wake up at any moment. Will wanting him once was like winning the lottery, no way did he want him again.

“I want you to tell me everything,” Will said. “Please. I need to know.”

“What do you want to know, baby?” Duncan grimaced allowing the term of endearment to slip. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize for that,” Will said. “Is that what you used to call me? ‘Baby’?”

Duncan nodded. “You used to call me it too…” He was trying to stay strong for Will, not wanting his emotion to crash through but a tear streamed from his eye which he quickly bat away. “I’ll tell you whatever you want to know, but I can’t if you aren’t…what are your intentions? With this? With me?” He couldn’t bring up the past if Will wasn’t planning on being his again, it would be too painful. He refused to.

Will cupped Duncan’s hand he held with his other hand, staring down at their contact as he answered, his voice delicate.

“I want to learn to love you again.”

Duncan retreated his hand from Will’s hold to cover his own face, the tears beginning to flow heavily. His body wracked with a sob. The overwhelming emotion flowing through him was unlike anything he had ever felt. Euphoria. Everything he had been hoping for the past month since Will had slipped from him was coming to fruition. He didn’t hear the scrape of Will’s chair as he got up and walked to him. Will straddled his lap and gently moved Duncan’s wet hands away from his face and held them for a moment, looking into each other’s eyes. Duncan’s lip quivered.

“I missed you,” Duncan cried.

Will placed his hands on either side of Duncan’s face and leaned down to press their lips together.

Time suspended, the entire world stopped moving just for them.

The flowers bursting from Will’s chest entangled with the weeds protruding from Duncan’s, the vines from both conjoining and wrapping, sprouting new life and diminishing the withered bits, a bouquet blossoming between them and tugging the two of them closer, lacing them together as one.

They continued moving together, Duncan continuing to cry in their embrace driving Will to do the same until they were both tasting the saltiness of one another’s tears in their mouths. Everything felt as it should be.

Their kissing ceased minutes later. Will pulled back slowly before opening his eyes to take Duncan in.

“I feel it,” Will said softly, for him that was the spark that had been missing with Jonathan. Everything he was feeling with Duncan was what it all was supposed to feel like. “Your lips are familiar.” He ran the pad of his thumb across Duncan’s lower lip. “I know I’ve tasted them before.”

“You did,” Duncan said. “Many times. Many times, baby.”

Will kissed him again. When they pulled back the second time their eyes remained closed and Duncan whispered against Will’s lips, his breath warm against his mouth. “Don’t leave me again.”

“I won’t,” Will sighed.

“It will never be the same.” Duncan said.

“I’m going to try to make it as close to how it used to be. It’ll take time. Be patient with me?”

Duncan nodded.

Will kissed over Duncan’s eyepatch. “I’m sorry you were hurt.” He rest his forehead against Duncan’s, his hands going to the back of Duncan’s head to run his fingers through his hair.

“It was my own fault,” Duncan sighed. “I promised I would protect you, but I failed. I was weak for a split second, the first time in my life, and you got hurt. I cannot forgive myself for that.”

“None of this is your fault. None of it.”

“I thought I’d lost you forever.”

“You didn’t.”

Duncan let out another sob that Will kissed away.

“I’m here,” Will sighed against him. “I want to learn your body again,” Will placed his palms on Duncan’s chest over his sweater. “Want to take my time. Want to take care of you, baby. It’s time someone did.”

Duncan closed his eyes, another tear streaming down his cheek. He never thought he would hear Will refer to him again in that way, so gently. Will wiped away his tear with his thumb and kissed his lips.

“Take me to the bedroom, Duncan?”

“Are you sure?” Duncan said. “I don’t want to rush you…I know you don’t remember…”

Will shook his head. “I learned for you.”

The thought of the other man’s hands on Will made him sick.

“For me?”

Will nodded.

“Did you use that poor guy?” Duncan said with a soft laugh.

“Maybe a little,” Will smirked. “He was good to me. Really good…But he wasn’t you.”

“You don’t know me,” Duncan said. “You don’t know what I used to be. I lied to you about what I used to be…back then. I’m not a good person, honey.”

“Were you good to me?”

Duncan nodded. “Of course.”

“Then that’s all that matters.”

“You don’t understand.”

“Then tell me,” Will cooed.

“I can’t,” Duncan cupped Will’s face in his hands. “It’s for your own protection.”

“I trust you,” he took Duncan’s wrists in his hands and kissed the inside of one of his palms. “You don’t need to tell me until you’re ready, if ever.”

“I have this thing where I can’t fall asleep with someone else,” Duncan said. “I get night terrors and I’m scared I’ll hurt someone, that I’ll hurt you. I would die if I hurt you.” He was rambling, testing the waters. Not wanting to give into his emotions if Will was going to find out later and leave.

“Are you trying to run me off with all that?” Will said. “Hmm? Because it’s not going to work.”

“Are you sure you want…? Me? This?” He reached around Will to hold his lower back, his hand going under the shirt to caress the skin there.

Will nodded. “Right now, I want nothing more.”

—

Will was eager to know what it felt like to be with Duncan sexually after all the pent up energy he’d been feeling for the past month, all the anticipation and sex with Jonathan leading up to that moment. All the climaxes reached with Duncan’s face in his mind, all the small touches Duncan had been giving him that morning making his soul jump in his body, he couldn’t fathom how it would all feel in such an intimate way.

Duncan, having never thought he would have Will in that way again was feeling overwhelmed, he prayed he would not disappoint him and that everything would be as it used to. Their magnetic chemistry was always so palpable, he worried it would fall flat and it wouldn’t be the same. Sex was always a huge part of their life, it was their first stepping stone. If their sex wasn’t good it would change everything. Duncan who was typically so confident when it came to sex began to shake.

“It’s okay,” Will said, holding Duncan’s shivering hand in his as they sat together on the side of the bed.

“I’m worried I’ll disappoint you,” he confessed at a whisper.

“We don’t have to do this now if you don’t want to,” Will said kissing Duncan’s neck. “It’s okay if you just want to lay together today. There’s no rush.”

Duncan pressed his forehead against Will’s, his eye shut.

“Is that what you want?” Will said.

Duncan nodded. Typically he would be embarrassed of such a defeat but with Will he wasn’t afraid to show his vulnerability. Will was the only person in the world who had ever seen Duncan that way. Only Will.

“Okay,” Will said, turning to flick off the bedside lamp and climb under the covers and scoot to the opposite side, he pulled Duncan with him until they were together under the comforter facing one another.

The room was dark with the shades drawn and the light out, the sun still streamed in the little cracks the curtains could never cover but Will and Duncan were lost together in their little world, away from prying eyes, together and safe again.

It was in that very bed Will had told Duncan he loved him the first time. The very same that Duncan had laid in for days at a time mourning losing Will, the love of his life, to a ridiculous accident that had changed everything. And it was that exact bed they laid in together then, something that Duncan was sure would never happen again. And yet there he was. He had come back.

Will cupped Duncan’s face as they lay looking into each other’s eyes. Duncan’s hand found Will’s lower back again, both their hands caressing the parts of each other they held. They lay together like that for over an hour, wordless, little kisses every now and then. Duncan didn’t dare close his eyes that whole time, terrified Will would disappear if he did, still convinced he was a figment of his imagination.

One of their languid kisses stuck and turned into a soft make-out. Their tongues and lips moved together as Will pressed his leg forward and Duncan wrapped his legs around it moving his hips in a rolling motion. Will yanked Duncan closer by the small of his back silently beckoning him to rub harder against him to which he complied. “Hmm?” Will said, a knowing question. Duncan nodded and kissed him again.

Duncan went to move on top of Will to dominate the situation like he always had in the past and Will shook his head pressing against Duncan’s shoulder until he laid back down. “Let me.” Will sighed. “Want to take care of you.”

“I’ve never,” Duncan sighed, looking lost. “We never…did that.”

“Do you trust me?” Will said.

Duncan hesitated before nodding.

Will leant down to kiss into Duncan’s neck and then his lips again. “I want to make you feel good, baby.”

Duncan’s heart clenched, terrified to explore new territory but fully willing to let Will do anything he desired to with his body.

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

Duncan nodded.

“Where’s your lube?”

“Bedside drawer.”

Will left a chaste kiss on Duncan’s lips before moving to retrieve it. He plopped the bottle down onto the bed between them before taking off his own clothing and helping to undress Duncan. Duncan held his breath, hoping his body wouldn’t be a let down to Will.

Once Duncan was nude Will ran his hand immediately through Duncan’s chest hair, biting at his lower lip subtlety.

Duncan laughed, relieved. “Yeah, that was always your favorite part of me then too.”

Will took his time to look Duncan’s body up and down, drinking him in. “You’re gorgeous,” Will sighed, his palm rubbing Duncan’s thigh.

Duncan’s cock had begun to fill out from the rubbing earlier and was now half-hard against his leg. Will was hard himself, grinding his hips forward against Duncan’s thigh. Duncan grabbed Will’s face to kiss him as they undulated their bodies, moving until their cocks were flush and throbbing softly together.

Duncan reached for Will’s cock and wrapped a firm hand around it and began stroking. Will gasped into his mouth, bucking forward. “I never,” Duncan sighed against Will’s lips. “I’ve always wanted to try. May I?”

“What?” Will said softly.

“In my mouth,” Duncan said.

Will groaned against Duncan’s lips before claiming them again. Pressing his forehead against Duncan’s he nodded. “You wanna try? I can teach you.”

“Please,” Duncan sighed.

Will laid on his back and beckoned Duncan over to him, tugging him softly by the back of his hair and neck. “C’mere, baby.”

Duncan swallowed nervously, terrified but excited to do something he’d been fantasizing about for years. He wasn’t expecting to be good the first time, but he hoped he would be able to bring Will at least some pleasure.

Duncan crawled on the bed until he was between Will’s spread legs. Will held his cock vertically, stroking himself not taking his eyes off Duncan as he did. “Start slow,” Will sighed, he carded his fingers through Duncan’s grey-peppered hair and pulled him closer. Will held his cock still facing toward Duncan. “Just play with the head, honey. Just a little for your first time.”

Duncan leaned forward and left a tentative swipe of his tongue across Will’s leaking tip. Will whined at the sensation, staring down at Duncan with half-lidded eyes. Duncan smirked, pleased to have started off well. “Again,” Will sighed. Duncan wrapped his lips around he head and laved softly at the slit until Will’s thighs were shaking. “Fuck, baby.” Duncan gently swat Will’s hand away from himself and encircled him with his own palm, stroking and twisting his hand with the gathered pre-come leaking from him. He put his mouth back on him staying at the tip, too scared to go any deeper but his movements were driving Will to curse and his head to fly back, his hands didn’t leave his hair. Duncan ground his own cock against the sheets driving his own pleasure from hearing the sounds he was causing Will to make.

“Wanna go deeper, baby?” Will sighed. “Wanna try?” He pet Duncan’s face.

Duncan nodded.

“Cover your teeth,” he cooed.“Relax your throat. Tongue down.”

Duncan tried remembering how Will used to do it to him, how good he was at it. He knew he would never be that skilled but he’d learned much from him in the past, he was going to try to emulate it as best as possible. He paid attention to Will’s instruction and tried, he made it barely three inches down Will’s shaft before he was pulling back up and shaking his head. “I’m sorry.” He kissed the tip in apology.  
“It’s okay,” Will said. “You don’t have to try again if you don’t want to.”

Duncan was determined not to give up. He stroked his hand, caressing the slit and dragging it down gently to add more slickness and wrapped his mouth around him again, this time not caring how he looked, how badly he did, or what Will was thinking. He got down four inches, using his hand to tease what he couldn’t reach, pressing his tongue against the thick vein and lifted back up slowly to toy with the head. “Fuck, baby.” Will sighed. Their eyes met and Duncan went back to toying with the tip, opened-mouth kissing and lapping at it as he stared up at him. “You’re so good.” Will praised. “So good, Duncan.” Will pulled at him, beckoning him closer again until Duncan was laid on top of him where they started to kiss again.

“Lay down,” Will instructed.

Duncan did so and kept a curious eye on Will, knowing what was coming next. Will used the lube on his fingers and draped himself over Duncan again to kiss him as his fingers blindly found his hole. Duncan started, his whole body twitching. “Shh,” Will just circled there as their lips and tongues played together. “You’ve never had anyone touch here before, baby? Not even yourself?” Duncan shook his head.

“I’m going to be gentle,” Will kissed him. “I promise. Just relax.” He inserted the tip of his finger and Duncan gasped. Will moved his head downward to lick and suck on the tip of Duncan’s cock as he entered him with his digit. Duncan tried bucking up into Will’s mouth but Will pressed down with his other arm against his pelvis halting his movement. Will pressed his entire finger in. “That’s it,” Will praised. He busied himself to lubricate his other fingers before going to press in the second.

Will continued to alternate between sucking on Duncan’s cock and kissing him while opening him up with his fingers until three were inside him. “You’re doing so well.” The stretch burned and for Duncan the sensation was odd and not exactly pleasurable but the knowledge that he was so close to Will, that’s what made it all so erotic for him.

Duncan had always taken advantage of teasing Will’s prostate in the past and had always been curious about how it felt. The way Will used to cry and whine when he touched that spot inside him always made him a little jealous. He’d wished he could experience how it felt but he was always too terrified to experiment with it. When Will stroked that spot inside him Duncan gasped and gripped the sheets, his eye closed. “Right there? Hmm?” Will cooed, kissing Duncan’s groin and then the tip of his cock again.

“Oh my god,” Duncan sighed. Will continued moving the three fingers inside him, twisting them and softly poking at that spot, teasing it with the tips of his fingers. “Stop, baby I’m going to…”

Will pulled his fingers out, leaving Duncan slightly gaped. “Want you,” he sighed gripping at Will’s back.

“You sure?” Will sighed.

Duncan nodded. “Want to try.”

Will positioned himself between Duncan’s legs and pressed them back opening him for himself. Will encircled himself, coated himself with lube, and added more to Duncan’s hole, fingering him quickly a few times to do so before sitting back and stroking Duncan’s thighs. They looked into each other’s eyes. “Ready, baby?” Will picked up on the hesitant look in Duncan’s eye. “Don’t worry. If you decide it’s too much we can stop.

Duncan nodded. “Please,” he stroked Will’s chest. “Please…” He didn’t need to say the rest, Will knew what he needed. He pressed in slowly, Duncan held his breath. “Breathe, baby,” Will said. “It’s no different than my fingers. It’s okay.” Will knee-walked closer as he pressed himself in further, he bent down to kiss Duncan as he entered him. Duncan’s hands were clutching Will’s head and hair, breathing heavily against his lips. Will bottomed out, their bodies flush together and Duncan made a sound somewhere between a groan and a whine. Will sighed deeply against Duncan’s mouth and his body shook. “You feel so good,” Will said.

“So do you,” Duncan said.

“I’m gunna move now, okay?”

Duncan nodded.

Will pulled out half way and sank back in. Duncan wrapped his legs around Will’s waist and Duncan grunted. “Is the angle okay?” Duncan nodded. “Here,” Will placed a pillow under Duncan’s hips, heightening the angle so he could easily hit that spot inside him.

“I already feel like I’m going to come,” Will laughed against Duncan’s lips.

“Me too,” Duncan smiled, his cock hard against his stomach.

Will pulled out and pushed back in, the angle of the pillow indeed helped to reach that spot inside. Duncan gasped. “Baby,” he sighed, clutching onto Will’s back. Will continued rocking forward, fucking into him.

Duncan had felt that it was all a dream until that moment and it all hit him at once. Will really was back, they were being intimate again, and he wanted him, the accumulation of all of those feelings hit him at the same time, hard and fast, emotion crashed over him like a a tidal wave and his tears began to flow.

It took Will a moment to notice but when he did his face became the definition of concern. He stopped moving. “Are you okay? Honey, am I hurting you?” His palm met Duncan’s cheek.

“I’m fine,” his voice was wavering. “I just…I love you so much.”

Will wiped Duncan’s tears away as he considered his words.

“You don’t have to say it back,” Duncan said with a smile. “It’s okay. I know it will take time. I just needed to…”

“No,” Will interrupted. “Duncan, I love you.”

Duncan let out a sob and Will kissed him.

“I do.” Will reiterated against his lips, kissing him again, rocking his hips forward.

Duncan clung to him and his tears continued to fall and Will continued to kiss them away as they both neared their release. Duncan came first, to his surprise untouched, his entire body tensing and quivering as he let out a whine. Seeing and feeling Duncan come undone drove Will’s orgasm, snapping his hips forward and clutching onto the backs of Duncan’s shoulders as he came, their mouths inches from one another’s tasting each other’s gasps and sighs and whimpers. Duncan cupped Will’s face in his hands and kissed him as they continued to rock together prolonging their pleasure.

They floated down from their high, embracing and kissing and nuzzling. As their breaths became less erratic Will pulled out and collapsed against the bed on his back. Duncan cuddled up to his side to kiss him again before laying his head on Will’s chest, listening to the heartbeat he’d missed so much.

Will could tell by Duncan’s breath how tired he was. He kissed Duncan’s forehead.

“Go to sleep, baby. Take a nap.”

Duncan shook his head. “Can’t sleep. Not with you here.”

“Duncan,” Will said, his fingers tilting his chin to look at him. “Honey, I’m right here. I’m going to stay awake.”

“Will, I could get violent…I could…”

“No, I will be fine,” Will said. “I promise. I’m prepared, I’ll be ready. It will be okay.”

“I can’t…if I hurt you…”

“You won’t. We’ll set an alarm for a couple of hours, okay? Start off little by little. Trust me.” He kissed Duncan’s forehead. “Hmm?” He kissed his lips.

Duncan was reluctant but he nodded. Will ran his fingers through Duncan’s hair as he lay his head on his chest. His arm wrapped around Will’s body, clinging to him.

“I’m going to be right here,” Will whispered as Duncan’s breath slowed. “I’m not going anywhere.”

Duncan was soon asleep with Will, for the very first time.

 

 

 

 

**EPILOGUE**

 

The alarm of Will’s phone startled Duncan awake, his eyes flying open and looking around in panic. He calmed down when he saw Will’s face. He turned the alarm off and kissed Duncan. “Didn’t I tell you everything would be okay?” Duncan nodded.

“I don’t want to do that again,” Duncan said. “Not for a while.”

“Okay,” Will said nodding. “We’ll work up to it slowly.”

“I have something I want to show you,” Duncan said. “It’s a little embarrassing.”

“Hmm?”

Duncan turned and leaned off the side of the bed to his table and opened the drawer producing a journal. He handed it to Will and scooted up on the bed so he was sat next to him.

“What’s this?” Will said holding the leather bound book with leather ties wrapped around it.

“It’s something I started after your accident when I got home. Just something to help me remember our relationship. What we had. It’s basically everything I could recollect that happened between us. I figured you would like to read it.”

Will’s eyebrows raised, running his fingers across the front of the book. “You went to all that trouble?”

“It was cathartic. I just didn’t ever want to forget anything.”

Their eyes met.

Will went to open the book. “You don’t have to read it now,” Duncan said.

“I want to.”

“Okay but, I’m not much of a writer. Some of it is a little corny and explicit but…”

Will opened to the first page.

_“ **I watched him move in from across the lake. I’d never seen a more attractive man.”**_

“You need to get out more,” Will laughed, self-deprecating.

“You don’t need to read it out loud,” Duncan said, embarrassed hearing his own words being spoken aloud.

**_“I remember the next day, when I first visited his cabin with gifts. A fishing pole and a heater. I remember thinking his face was even more beautiful up close. His blue eyes caught my attention first. They looked like a full night’s sky was stuck in them.”_ **

Will paused and smiled to himself.

**_“We bantered and minutes later we gave each other a knowing look and I was pressing him against the wall.”_ **

“Wow, we didn’t waste any time at all, huh?” Will chuckled.

“No, we didn’t,” Duncan smiled, reminiscing.

Will continued reading with Duncan’s head on his shoulder listening to him read. They smiled and laughed at the appropriate times as Will pored over their past aloud. Will remembered nothing but Duncan remembered it all. Mourning the past but excited for their future.

Will got to the end of the journal, past the accident and the heartbreak to the most recent entry which had been written in only a couple days prior.

**_“He may be gone now, but he will always remain with me. He’s my angel.”_ **

Will sat the journal down and silence filled the room for a few moments before Will was turning to Duncan and pulling him in for a kiss, slow and loving.

“I’m never leaving you again,” Will sighed against Duncan’s lips. “Ever.” 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This storyline is completed but there will be new parts to this series every now and then, little Drabbles of their future together. 
> 
> Kaisergram has become this beautiful thing to me. I’m so happy this fic has created a batch of new Duncan/Will shippers! 
> 
> Stay tuned! 
> 
> And as always, please leave a comment if you enjoyed <3

**Author's Note:**

> If you enjoyed please leave a comment :)
> 
> I love comments more than anything!!


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